If you’re a single man who wants a loving, lasting relationship — but you’re tired of dating, unsure where to look, or quietly wondering if it’s even possible anymore — you’re not alone.
I’ve spent more than 50 years working with men and their families, and I’ve heard countless versions of the same quiet truth: “I want real love… but something’s not working.”
It’s not that these men don’t have something to offer. Quite the opposite. Many are kind, thoughtful, wise, emotionally aware. They’ve lived full lives. They’ve taken risks. Some have been married before. Some have stayed single. Most have done a fair amount of inner work.
So, what’s the challenge?
The Unspoken Reality of Conscious Men and Modern Dating
Men were raised with a very different set of messages about love, masculinity, and vulnerability. For years, we were taught to be self-sufficient, rational, and in control. We were rarely taught how to communicate emotional truth — or how to hold space for another’s.
And now we’re navigating a dating culture that often feels transactional or shallow. Add to that the pressure of putting yourself out there — after all the life that’s already been lived — and it’s no wonder so many men feel discouraged or hesitant.
But here’s the thing:
Wanting love is not a weakness.
Wanting to be seen, understood, respected, and cherished is not “needy.” It’s human. And there are women out there who want the exact same thing.
Men get mixed messages from women. It seems that women want vulnerability but often don’t know how to hold space for men’s feelings. And at the same time, men want to provide, but women don’t always know how to communicate what they want. (They were not trained to ask or share how a man can provide for them.)
In my book, The Enlightened Marriage: The 5 Transformative Stages of Relationship and Why the Best is Still to Come, I shared some of my own relationship history prior to meeting my wife, Carlin.
“Like everyone else on the face of the planet, I’ve wanted real, lasting love. And like everyone on the face of the planet I have not found these words — Real, Lasting, Love — easy to attain.”
Like many I grew up with a belief about love and marriage that was simple:
Step 1: Find that special someone, your soulmate, and fall in love.
Step 2: And they lived happily ever after.
But real life is not like the movies, as people know who visit my website, MenAlive.com and watch my welcome video: Confessions of a Twice-Divorced Marriage Counselor. What’s worse, the on-line dating world, where more and more people go to find a partner, perpetuates the problem.
In a very powerful discussion with entrepreneur, investor, and podcaster, Steven Bartlett, behavioral scientist Logan Ury, and professor Scott Galloway, they point out that online dating makes connecting nearly impossible for men.
“If the dating ap is a club,” says Ury, “you have bouncers that keep most men out. Many women in the U.S. fix their height filters at six feet, but only 14% of men are six feet tall or higher. What happens to the other 86%? Women complain: ‘Where’s my special guy?’ But they aren’t even showing up on as a possible choice.”
What I Recommend to Men Seeking Conscious, Romantic Love
If you’re ready for a meaningful relationship — not just someone to pass the time with, but a partner to grow with — here’s what I often suggest to the men I work with:
1. Be willing to heal what’s still tender.
No matter how much work we’ve done, relationships stir the parts of us that are still vulnerable — old wounds, disappointments, or beliefs we picked up long ago. If you’ve experienced heartbreak, betrayal, or prolonged isolation, it’s important to meet those experiences with compassion, not judgment. Healing isn’t about perfection — it’s about showing up whole and honest.
2. Clarify what matters most to you now.
We change. What we wanted in our 20s or 30s might not serve us now. Take time to reflect on what kind of partnership truly supports the life you want to live. Shared values, emotional safety, physical affection, spiritual connection — get clear on your priorities.
3. Don’t try to do it all alone.
Too many men think they need to figure it out on their own. I can’t tell you how many breakthroughs have come when a man simply has a space to be honest — with himself and others. Whether it’s a therapist, men’s group, or retreat setting, find places where you can explore who you are now, without pressure to perform.
4. Practice being open, even when it feels awkward.
Real love requires risk — not recklessness, but emotional risk. That might mean expressing interest, sharing your truth, or saying “I’m not sure, but I’m willing to find out.” The more authentic you are, the more likely you are to attract someone who’s aligned with you, not a performance version of you.
5. Keep your heart open to surprise.
Love doesn’t always show up the way we expect it to. Stay open to the possibility that your partner may look different than your checklist — or arrive through unexpected channels. Stay curious and resist the temptation to contract into certainty or resignation.
If you are looking for a long-term, healthy, romantic relationship, I would encourage you to look at a Retreat that offers something real.
That’s why I’m sharing with you an opportunity: the Conscious Singles Retreat, happening June 20–22, 2025, near Ashland, Oregon.
This isn’t a quick fix or matchmaking event. It’s a powerful experience created by two people I know and trust — Joy Taylor, LMT and Gavin Frye, MFT — who met two years ago through SpiritualSingles.com, fell in love, married, and are now sharing their journey to support others in finding conscious partnership.
Joy and Gavin bring decades of experience in psychotherapy, embodiment, coaching, and spiritual practice. Together, they hold a deeply respectful space where people can:
- Step away from the noise and reconnect with themselves.
- Engage in meaningful conversations about intimacy, self-trust, and love.
- Experience somatic and mindfulness practices to reduce anxiety and open the heart.
- Spend time in nature with others who are also seeking a true, mutual relationship
- Meet some amazing kindred spirits.
The setting is beautiful. The group is intentionally small and intimate. The process is deeply human.
They already have 15 women signed up — and just 2 men. And while this isn’t unusual (women often respond first to this kind of offering), it presents a real opportunity for men who are ready.
Why This Matters
I believe that when men heal, relationships heal. When relationships heal, families heal. And when families heal, the world begins to shift.
There’s no shame in wanting connection. There’s no shame in wanting to love and be loved.
Sometimes we just need the right space to remember what’s possible — and the right people to walk with us.
And you never know, you may meet someone at the retreat. From what I’ve heard, it happened last year – Cupid’s arrow struck.
I feel blessed to have gone on my own retreat many years ago and met my wife, Carlin. She and I have been together now for forty-five years. I hope you take the opportunity to check out this wonderful opportunity to experience a retreat that can change your life for good. Check it out here. You will be glad you did.
If you’d like to hear more about me and my work, feel free to visit me at MenAlive.com.
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