I have been working in the field of Gender-Specific Medicine and Men’s Health for more than fifty years. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that men’s health and women’s health cannot be separated. If we improve men’s health, we will also improve the health of women and vice versa.
There are many reasons a man might become interested in the actress Sharon Stone. It is a surprising fact of my professional life that seeing Sharon featured on the cover of Vanity Fair magazine, led me to write my best-selling books, Male Menopause and Surviving Male Menopause. Here’s how it happened.
While browsing through my local bookstore, I was drawn to a copy of Vanity Fair magazine. Well, to be absolutely honest, I was drawn to the cover photo of Sharon Stone, nude to the waist, with her hands cupping, but only partially covering, her breasts. Sharon was staring seductively into the eyes of the reader, with two-inch letters emblazoned across her bare midriff proclaiming, ‘WILD THING!’ I was sure there was something important Sharon had to tell me.
However, I never read the article to find out, because just to the left of Sharon’s blond hair, right below the April 1993 dateline, were the words that grabbed me by the throat (actually a bit farther south than my throat) — “Male Menopause: The Unspeakable Passage by Gail Sheehy.” Those words spoke in a quiet but insistent voice.
I had already been dealing with menopause issues as my midlife wife was going through the change. At first I was skeptical about the possibility that men might go through hormonal changes, but I decided to do the research.
Male Menopause was published in 1997 and soon became an international best-seller. It has since been translated into more than fifteen foreign languages. My follow up book, Surviving Male Menopause: A Guide for Women and Men, was published in 2000. Although we have learned a great deal about the “change of life” for women, there continues to be a great deal of confusion and controversy surrounding the whole concept of what goes on at mid-life for men.
As Sheehy recognized in the 1993 article, “
If menopause is the silent passage, ‘male menopause’ is the unspeakable passage. It is fraught with secrecy, shame, and denial. It is much more fundamental than the ending of the fertile period of a woman’s life, because it strikes at the core of what it is to be a man.”
I was one of the early researchers who was speaking out about Male Menopause (also called Andropause or Manopause). Here are a few of the important things I’ve learned over the years and have shared in my books and articles.
What is Male Menopause?
Male Menopause begins with hormonal, physiological, and chemical changes that occur in all men generally between the ages of forty and fifty-five, though it can occur as early as thirty-five or as late as sixty-five. These changes affect all aspects of a man’s life. Male Menopause is, thus, a physical condition with psychological, interpersonal, social, and spiritual dimensions.
What is The Purpose of Male Menopause?
“The purpose of Male Menopause is to signal the end of the first part of a man’s life and prepare him for the second half. Male Menopause is not the beginning of the end, as many fear, but the end of the beginning. It is the passage to the most passionate, powerful, productive, and purposeful time of a man’s life.”
What Are The Most Common Symptoms of Male Menopause?
- Loss of libido and sexual desire, particularly with the partner you are with.
- Increased fantasy about having sex with others.
- Difficulty developing and maintaining erections.
- Increased irritability and anger.
- Taking longer to recover from injuries and illness.
- Having less endurance for physical activity.
- Increased anxiety and worry.
- Loss of self-confidence and joy.
What I Have Learned About Male Menopause
Over the years, I have found two common views: (1) Male Menopause doesn’t exist. Only women go through a hormonally driven change of life. (2) If men do go through a change, it is only a hormonal change and can be “cured” by giving men supplemental testosterone.
I’ve learned that neither of these views are true. Men do experience a change of life, whether we call it Male Menopause, Andropause, or Manopause. I called it Male Menopause because I believe there are more similarities than differences between what women and men experience. I also believe, as does Gail Sheehy, that it is much more complex than simply a loss of hormones but impacts all aspects of a man’s life.
For most of human existence our lifespan was quite limited to around forty years. Men and women rarely lived long enough to experience a “change of life.” Life was a climb up a mountain and we reached the peak when we were in our 20s and had produced children to keep our species going. Then, it was a quick decline down the mountain once the children were old enough to survive.
But now humans can live into our 80s, 90s, and beyond. There is another mountain to climb and what we call Male Menopause is simply the transition to the second mountain. If top of the first mountain is called “Adulthood,” the peak of the second mountain, is “Super-Adulthood” or “Elderhood.” That is why I say that “Male Menopause is not the beginning of the end, as many fear, but the end of the beginning.”
Too Many Men Are Dying Before Their Time
These are confusing and challenging times for most people, but particularly for men. It has been said that “Old age is not for sissies.” While many men are embracing the later years, too many are losing hope and giving up. The suicide rate for men is much higher than the rate for women and gets even worse the older we get.
Take a look at this chart from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC):
Suicide rate among adults age 55 and older, by age group and sex: United States, 2021
We see the men’s death rates on the left and women’s on the right for four different age groups, along with the different rate for all ages 55-85+ in black. Death by suicide is a huge problem for men as we age, particularly after retirement age.
For those ages 55-64, the suicide rate is 3.4 times higher for males compared to females. 65-74 the suicide rate is 4.6 times higher for males. Between the ages of 75-84 the male/female ratio is 8 times higher for males. And for those 85 and older the suicide rate is nearly 17 times higher for males than females. There are challenges men and women face as we age, but clearly older men are feeling pressures that women do not experience and are losing hope for a better future. This needs to change.
Welcome to the Second Mountain and an Expanded Understanding of Midlife and Aging
My friend and colleague, Chip Conley, is transforming our understanding of midlife and what we can look forward to as we prepare for and climb the second mountain of life. Says Conley,
“The midlife crisis is the butt of many jokes, but this long-derided life stage has an upside.”
In his new book, Learning to Love Midlife: 12 Reasons Why Life Gets Better with Age, he expands our vision.
“What if we could reframe our thinking about the natural transition of midlife not as a crisis, but as a chrysalis: a time when something profound awakens in us, as we shed our skin, spread our wings, and pollinate the world with our wisdom?“
We know midlife and aging is not all sweetness and light. It isn’t easy letting go of old ways that no longer work for us. We all know what happens to the caterpillar. As Conley reminds us,
“When it is fully grown, it uses a button of silk to fasten its body to a twig and then forms a chrysalis. Within this protective chrysalis, the transformational magic of metamorphosis occurs. While it’s a bit dark, gooey, and solitary, it’s a transition, not a crisis. And, of course, on the other side is a beautiful, winged butterfly.”
Learning About Men’s Health, Male Menopause, and How to Live Well in the Second Half of Life
There is a lot we need to learn about life in the second half. Chip Conley suggests that there are three stages of midlife:
1. Early midlife (Age 35-50)
During early midlife we tend to experience some of the challenging physical and emotional transitions — a bit like adult puberty. We realize we are no longer young, but not yet old.
2. The second stage of midlife (50-59)
This is the core of midlife in our fifties when we’ve settled into this new era and are seeing some of the upside. We begin to see opportunities for growth and finding passions we never knew we had.
3. Later midlife (60-75)
We are still young enough to see and plan for what’s next, our senior years. Says Chip,
“At 63, I am just getting acquainted with this third stage, but I do know it’s also when our body reminds us it doesn’t want to be forgotten.”
I turned 82 last December and am well into the stage of Eldership. It’s a time when we are called to share what we know and have learned over our lifespan. Three years ago, I started the MenAlive Academy for Gender-Specific Healthcare. The Academy offers programs for both men and women who want to learn about the unique mental, emotional, and relational issues that men face. It also offers programs for healthcare providers who are working with men and their families.
As my colleague Marianne J. Legato, M.D., Founder of the Foundation for Gender-Specific Medicine says,
“Everywhere we look, the two sexes are startingly and unexpectedly different not only in their normal function but in the ways they experience illness.”
If you would like more information about the MenAlive Academy for Gender-Specific Healthcare, drop me a note to Jed@MenAlive.com and put “MenAlive Academy” in the subject line. If you’d like to read more articles like these, I invite you to subscribe to our free weekly newsletter.
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