Mental Health

                For too long we have failed to pay attention to problems faced by boys and men. In his ground-breaking book, Of Boys and Men: Why The Modern Male is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do About It, Richard V. Reeves says,

              “I have been worried about boys and men for 25 years. That comes with the territory when you raise three boys. It has become clear to me that there are growing numbers of boys and men who are struggling in school, at work, and in the family. I used to fret about three boys and young men. Now I am worried about millions.”

                The good news is that things are changing rapidly. When I launched MenAlive in 1972, there were few programs focused on the health of boys and men. Now there are many. Reeves’ book was published in 2022. He went on to become the founding Director of the Institute for Boys and Men and has influenced the work of NYU professor Scott Galloway. Lately, we are seeing more and more attention focused on males.

                However, for those who have been studying the wellbeing of boys and men for many years, there are also serious new problems we must address. Founded by Gary Barker in 2011 as Promundo US, Equimundo works to achieve gender equality and social justice by transforming intergenerational patterns of harm and promoting patterns of care, empathy, and accountability among boys and men throughout their lives.

                Equimundo recently published their latest study, “The State of American Men 2025″. I recently interviewed Gary Barker and you can watch the full interview here.

                Some of the important findings of the study that Gary and I discussed include the following:

• Economic anxiety is at the forefront of men’s worries.

              Anxiety around not being able to financially secure their and their families’ future is linked to lack of purpose, higher suicidal ideation, and feelings of being an inadequate caregiver.

• Being a provider is the key trait of manhood today.

               Even though men and women recognize the importance of expanding their roles to include caregiving and other activities, the provider role is still seen as primary. Men who are unable to fulfill that role often feel they are failures.  

• Men are isolated, feel no one cares about them, and are pessimistic about their romantic prospects.

              Men and women lack social connection and feel unworthy of love; for men this is especially acute. Many males feel inadequate with females and believe that things are stacked against them. Difficulty making and keeping intimate relationships impacts all aspects of a man’s life.

• Pressure to be a provider and economic anxiety are exacerbated by male involvement on social media.

              Spending more time online often perpetuates males comparing themselves to perceived ideals. Young men (and women) find that social media adds to their feelings of inadequacy.

• Many men fear being called out or canceled.

              Men face tremendous anxiety that they will be called out, which is likely fueling their backlash against diversity and equality.

• Economic worries are strongly linked to suicidal ideation.

Men who face financial instability are 16.3 times as likely to have had suicidal thoughts in in the past two weeks.

Up Close and Personal: These Findings Cut Very Close to Home

                When I was five years old, my midlife father took an overdose of sleeping pills. He had become increasingly irritable, angry, and depressed because he couldn’t support his family doing the work that he loved. Though he didn’t die, he was hospitalized at Camarillo State Mental Hospital, north of our home in Los Angeles.

              I went with my uncle every Sunday to visit my father, charged by my mother, to

              “Help your father. He needs you.”

              But my own 5-year-old’s efforts to save my father didn’t work and he continued to get worse.

              I didn’t understand what happened to my dad but was terrified that whatever happened to him would someday happen to me. I have spent my life doing everything I could to figure out the roots of male violence, particularly why it gets turned inward, for men who want to end their suffering by ending their lives.

              After having written fourteen books about men’s health, I finally addressed the issues that had driven me for so long. In my fifteenth book, My Distant Dad: Healing the Family Father Wound, I shared the journals I found as an adult that began to pull back the curtain of confusion I had lived with all my life.

              Years after my father had escaped from the mental hospital where he had been locked up, I found the journals he had written before his final act of despair. Every time I read them, I feel closer to my dad, two men, father and son, struggling to be good men and support their families. I also feel deep sadness as I watch him slipping closer to the edge of hopelessness. In his last journal, I found these entries:

              July 3, 1948:

              “Oh, Christ, if I can only give my son a decent education — a college degree with a love for books, a love for people, good, solid knowledge. No guidance was given to me. I slogged and slobbered and blundered through two-thirds of my life.”

              July 24, 1948:

              “Edie dear, Johnny dear, [my birth name before I changed it to Jed] I love you so much, but how do I get the bread to support you? The seed of despair is part of my heritage. It lies sterile for months and then it gnaws until its bitter fruit chokes my throat and swells in me like a large goiter blacking out room for hopes, dreams, joy, and life itself.”

              August 8, 1948:

              “Sunday morning, my humanness has fled, my sense of comedy has gone down the drain. I’m tired, hopelessly tired, surrounded by an immense brick wall, a blood-spattered brick world, splattered with my blood, with the blood of my head where I senselessly banged to find an opening, to find one loose brick, so I could feel the cool breeze and could stick out my hand and pluck a handful of wheat, but this brick wall is impregnable, not an ounce of mortar loosens, not a brick gives.”

              December 8, 1948:

              “Your flesh crawls, your scalp wrinkles when you look around and see good writers, established writers, writers with credits a block long, unable to sell, unable to find work, Yes, it’s enough to make anyone blanch, turn pale, and sicken.”

              February 24, 1949:

              “Faster, faster, faster, I walk. I plug away looking for work, anything to support my family. I try, try, try, try, try. I always try and never stop.”

              June 12, 1949:

              “Middle aged, I stand and gaze ahead, numb, confused, and desperately worried. All around me I see the young in spirit, the young in heart, with ten times my confidence, twice my youth, ten times my fervor, twice my education. I see them all, a whole army of them, battering at the same doors I’m battering, trying in the same field I’m trying. Yes, on a Sunday morning in June, my hope and my life stream are both running desperately low, so low, so stagnant, that I hold my breath in fear, believing that the dark, blank curtain is about to descend.”

              Like so many men I’ve worked with, including myself, men tend to blame themselves when we are unable to fulfill our role as “breadwinner.” We don’t recognize the larger economic trends that restrict us or the system-created “man box” that keeps so many of us isolated.

              Much has changed since my father was hospitalized. Many things have improved, but there are new challenges men face now that were not present when my father was confronting his inner demons. I carry both his hopes and dreams and the weight of his despair. I am blessed to have fulfilled his dreams for a good education and the support of family, friends, and colleagues. Yet there is much still to do. I hope you’ll join us.

              You can read the full study from Equimundo here:

              https://www.equimundo.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/State-of-American-Men-2025.pdf

              You can read my interview with Gary Barker here:

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBvk5GY3XbI

              You can sign up for my weekly newsletter with my latest articles here:

              https://menalive.com/email-newsletter/

              You can read about my father’s and my healing journey here:

              https://diamondprograms.podia.com/healing-father-wound

The post The State of American Males in 2025: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly appeared first on MenAlive.

                I first learned about Project Heaven on Earth when a colleague wrote to me about a friend who was interested in meeting me, but who had not gotten any response to his previous emails. I hadn’t received the emails, so asked him to write again, which he did.

                After reading about Project Heaven on Earth and its founder Martin Rutte, we met for a brief chat, and it became very clear that Martin was a kindred spirit, and our meeting would be the beginning of a long-term collaboration. I knew I wanted to do an interview with Martin for my podcast, and I ordered his book, Project Heaven on Earth: The 3 simple questions that will help you change the world…easily.

                It was a wonderfully informative interview that you can watch here.

                I will admit that I was a bit put off by the book title. Heaven on Earth seemed a bit Airy-Fairy and religious. I’m also put off by programs that promise simple solutions to the world’s problems. “Three simple questions that will help you change the world…easily”?  Give me a break.

                I felt a little better when I saw that the book’s Foreword was written by Jack Canfield, a long-time colleague who created the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, which has more than 250 titles and 500 million copies in print. I soon learned that Martin has had a very successful business career both in the U.S. and Canada.

                He has worked with such organizations as The World Bank, Sony Pictures Entertainment, Southern California Edison, Virgin Records, Apple Computer, Esso Petroleum, and London Life Insurance helping them expand their outlook and position themselves for the future. He is also the co-author of The New York Times Business Bestseller, Chicken Soup for the Soul at Work, with sales of over 1.1 million copies and translations into 15 languages.

                In his book, Project Heaven on Earth, Martin offers a clear and honest look at the challenges we face:

                “Humanity is at a crossroads. I’m deeply concerned about the state of our world and pained about the direction we’ve been taking. The sufferings of the world seem overwhelming, they continue and continue — war, hunger, poverty, the threat of global financial collapse. Resignation is being stockpiled. Hope is in short supply. Optimism is hiding in a cave.”

                Martin goes on to say,

                “I believe what’s needed to move us forward at this point in our evolution is the birthing of a new possibility for our world — a new story of what it means to be human (an individual) and what it means to be Humanity (the human condition). I capitalize ‘Humanity’ because I want us to start thinking about experiencing us as one family with extraordinary potential.”

                Here’s how Martin describes Project Heaven on Earth:

                “Project Heaven on Earth as a Noun: This Project is a thing you do, something you put your energy into. It’s a vehicle for the alignment of Humanity.

                “Project Heaven on Earth as a Verb: You project yourself, your Being, your intention, into the world to build the world of your dreams and yearnings.”

                He concludes:

                “The intention of Project Heaven on Earth is to collectively change Humanity’s current story from one that doesn’t work for a great number of people (hunger, war, poverty, etc.) to one that works for you, me, and everyone.”

Addressing the Three Questions of Project Heaven on Earth

                Martin invites us to address the following three questions:

                Question 1: Recall a time when you experienced Heaven on Earth. What was happening? Describe what happened, how it felt, how you perceived the world. What was your experience of yourself, of others, of life?

                Question 2: Imagine you have a magic wand and with it you can create Heaven on Earth. What is Heaven on Earth for you? Take as much time as you need with this. Open your heart. Let your mind go. Marinate in what Heaven on Earth is for you. What would be present, what would disappear and no longer exist, and what would newly appear?

                Question 3: What simple, easy, concrete step (s) will you take in the next 24 hours to make Heaven on Earth real? By making the step simple, by making it one you know you can do and by doing it within 24 hours, you’ve actually begun creating Heaven on Earth. Take a baby step. It’s as simple as that.

                Here are my answers to the three questions Martin invited me to address:

Question 1: Recall a time when you experienced Heaven on Earth. What was happening?

                Heaven on Earth began for me when I fell in love with a young woman in 1965. I was a twenty-one-year-old senior, and she was a seventeen-year-old freshman at the beautiful, newly created campus, at U.C. Santa Barbara. My beloved and I talked about children and agreed we wanted to have a child and, given that the world already had children who needed a home with loving parents, we wanted to adopt a child.

                Fast forward to Kaiser Hospital in Vallejo. Following graduation, we married, my wife became pregnant, and I was coaching my wife through the relaxation and breathing techniques we had learned in the Lamaze child-birthing classes. After many hours of labor, we were told it was time for my wife to move into the delivery room. I still remember the words of the nurse.

                “OK, Mr. Diamond, your work is done now. You can go to the waiting-room, and we’ll let you know when your child arrives.”

                I was sorry to have to leave at this point, but we had been told the rules. Fathers were not allowed in the delivery room. I kissed my wife, wished her and the baby well, and told her I would see her soon. She was wheeled in one direction, and I went the other way.

                But as I was going through the waiting-room doors, something stopped me. I felt the call of my unborn child telling me:

                “I don’t want a waiting-room father. Your place is here with us.”

                I immediately turned around and made my way to the delivery room. I came in and took my place at the head of the table as my wife began the final stages to bring our child into the world.

                There was no question about my leaving. I knew where I belonged. No hospital rules were going to keep me away. It didn’t take long for the final push and our son, Jemal, was born amid tears of joy and relief. Holding him for the first time I made a vow that I would be a different kind of father than my father was able to be for me and to do everything I could to help create a world where fathers were fully engaged with their families throughout their lives. Two-and-a-half years later, we adopted a two-month-old, African American baby girl, who we named Angela.

                For me this Heaven on Earth experience began with the magic of falling in love, which opened our hearts to wanting to share that love with a child we birthed and with a child who needed a loving family. It culminated with the spirit of our soon-to-be born son calling me to break the rules in the service of love and connection and our reaching outside our comfort zone to find and adopt our beautiful daughter.  

Question 2: Imagine you have a magic wand and with it you can create Heaven on Earth. What is Heaven on Earth for you?

                For me, Heaven on Earth is a world of fathers who are fully healed and lovingly connected with themselves, their families, the community of life on planet Earth.  

                In my book, The Warrior’s Journey Home: Healing Men Healing the Planet I quoted my friend and colleague Sam Keen, author of Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man,

                “The radical vision of the future rests on the belief that the logic that determines either our survival or our destruction is simple:

1. The new human vocation is to heal the earth.
2. We can only heal what we love.
3. We can only love what we know.
4. We can only know what we touch.”

                Heaven on Earth is the end of war as we’ve known it and a new kind of warriorship. In The Warrior’s Journey Home, I quoted Buddhist meditation master Chögyam Trungpa.

                “Warriorship here does not refer to making war on others. Aggression is the source of our problems, not the solution. Here the word ‘warrior’ is taken from the Tibetan pawo which literally means ‘one who is brave.’ Warriorship in this context is the tradition of human bravery, or the tradition of fearlessness.” Trungpa concludes, saying, “Warriorship is not being afraid of who you are.”

Question 3: What simple, easy, concrete step (s) will you take in the next 24 hours to make Heaven on Earth real?

                I will share the answers to these three questions with Martin Rutte and continue exploring ways to collaborate to bring Heaven on Earth for all.  

                You can connect with Martin Rutte and his work here: https://projectheavenonearth.com/

                You can watch my interview with Martin here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4Krt5t4aYM

                You can receive my free weekly newsletter and read my latest articles here: https://menalive.com/email-newsletter/

The post My Project Heaven on Earth Began When I Fell in Love appeared first on MenAlive.

                I have been a marriage counselor for more than fifty years. When I finished graduate school in 1968, I had great hopes of helping couples fulfill their vows to “live happily ever after.” I married my college sweetheart in 1966, and we looked forward to having children and growing old together. It didn’t turn out that way. We successfully managed the “growing old” part, but our marriage didn’t survive. If you visit my website, you can watch my introductory welcome video, “Confessions of a Twice-Divorced Marriage Counselor.”

                It is not that counselors are holding back on sharing the good news about how to have successful, long-term, relationships. It is because we know the theory of how to “live happily ever after,” we just haven’t been successful in practicing what we preach.

                Most people know that the chances of having a long and happy marriage are not good. The statistics tell a disheartening story.

                “Since 1955 the divorce rate in American has been hovering around fifty percent.”

                These are the first words of an incredibly powerful and hopeful documentary by Emmy-nominated duo, Chris Brickler and Michael Romero. The film explores the lives and livelihood of Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, two of the most prominent pioneers in the world of relationship communications for the past 40 years.

                I first met Harville and Helen in 1988 shortly after the publication of their best-selling book, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. We have been friends and colleagues ever since. Like my wife, Carlin and I, Harville and Helen had both been divorced before they met and married. What I learned from reading their book (and reinforced by reading all their other books), has enabled Carlin and I to have a long and joyful marriage. We’re still going strong after forty-five years together and continue to practice the simple, let profound skills, that Harville and Helen have developed.

                I have interviewed Helen and Harville numerous times in the past. I recently had the good fortune to interview Harville alone when Helen was unable to join us because she was called unexpectedly to speak at another event. Harville and I had the opportunity to discuss more deeply some the things men can do to live happily ever after.

                In addition to working with couples, my work in the field of Gender-Specific Medicine and Men’s Health, focuses a lot on helping men. Our colleagues John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman had an interesting thing to say about men:

                “What men do in relationships is, by a large margin, the crucial factor that separates a great relationship from a failed one. This does not mean that a woman doesn’t need to do her part, but the data proves that a man’s actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship succeeds or fails, which is ironic, since most relationship books are for women. That’s kind of like doing open-heart surgery on the wrong patient.”

                So, what is the simple secret for divorce-proofing your marriage? The secret is having safe conversations. As Helen and Harville remind us, the most dangerous things humans do with each other is talk. They explain in their wonderful book, Making Marriage Simple,

                “We need to create safe spaces to talk with each other. By safety, we mean two people living in relationship with neither feeling hurt, criticized, or put down by the other. When your partner doesn’t feel safe, they put up their defenses. Healing happens only in safe environments.”

                This is easier said than done.

The Heart of Dialogue: The New Film That Can Change the World For Good

                I was excited when I recently received an email from Harville and Helen: “Today is the global premiere for the “The Heart of Dialogue,” a new 70-minute documentary of Harville and Helen’s storied life. I love books. I’ve written seventeen of my own and I recommend all the books that Harville and Helen have written. But there’s nothing like being with them in person. Watch the film and you will find yourself being up-close and personal with Helen and Harville and the participants in one of their workshops.

                But that’s not all, you will be introduced to a new technology that will allow you, and millions of others, to interact with Helen and Harville now and in the future. Though I’ve known Helen and Harville for years, I had not heard of Chris Brickler and Michael Romero. I’d like to introduce them to you now. Their work is exciting and lifechanging.

                Chris is an Emmy-nominated producer and director of documentaries, dramatic shorts, and music and commercial videos. He is currently Founder & CEO of Mynd Immersive, a technology startup that provides immersive experiences for seniors to improve cognitive function & quality of life. For most of his professional career, Chris has been a leader in bringing groundbreaking new technologies to market. His latest endeavor is called Eternalize, an AI-lab that creates, preserves and powers the interactive digital twins of cherished loved ones and public personalities for future generations.

                Michael is also an Emmy-nominated producer and director of documentaries. He has spent his career in business development. He has built some of the largest brands in consumer goods, medical devices, and technology industries. Michael is also part of the Externalize team.

                The gifts that Harville and Helen have given to millions of couples all over the world would make them my heroes forever. But they didn’t stop after helping us save our marriages. They recognized that what worked for our most intimate relationships could work for all our relationships — with those we love and those we distrust and fear.

                In their book, How to Talk with Anyone About Anything: The Practice of Safe Conversations, they say,

                “Pandemics, warfare, natural disasters, and political upheaval have driven us apart, isolated us, and sent us fleeing for shelter. Far too often these days, you may find yourself feeling stressed out, burned out, and checked out.”

                I have certainly felt that way many times and have felt despair about the future of humanity. One of the greatest dangers I see is that consciously or unconsciously more and more people believe that humanity is doomed. But Helen and Harville’s Safe Conversations can not only save our marriages, but could even help create a safer world now and forever.

                “Clearly, we need a way to restore safety and civility to our daily interactions so we can talk to one another without triggering arguments or violence. Our method for doing this is to replace one-way monologue conversations with two-way dialogues that put you on a path to safer and more productive interactions and relationships.”

                We can each take a step in the direction of the future we all want and help, in the words of my colleague Charles Eisenstein, to create “the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible.” If you choose, you can begin now.

                You can watch the film here.

                You can learn more about Harville and Helen here.

                You can learn more about having safe conversations here.

                You can learn more about me and my work here.

                If you would like to read more articles like these, I invite you to subscribe to my free weekly newsletter here.

The post How to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage: The Simple Secret Your Marriage Counselor Won’t Tell You appeared first on MenAlive.