Mental Health

                Too many guys have been told that midlife is a crisis, and that everything is downhill from there. That was not my own experience or the thousands of men I have seen in my clinical practice at MenAlive since we launched in 1972. I have written seventeen books to improve the mental, emotional, and relational health of men and their families since my first book, Inside Out: Becoming My Own Man was published in 1983, the year I turned 40.

                In his book Learning to Love Midlife, my colleague Chip Conley, co-founder and CEO of the Modern Elder Academy, says,

                “In my opinion (and that of a growing number of sociologists), in the world with more and more centenarians, midlife may last from 35 to 75. Just as adolescence is a transitional stage between childhood and adulthood, maybe part of the midlife role is to be a transitional stage between adulthood and elderhood.”

                Conley shows us that midlife need not be a crisis, but a chrysalis to the most passionate, powerful, productive, and purposeful time of a man’s life. Yet, we can’t do it alone.

                In a recent article, “Gameday is a Game Changer in the Emerging  Men’s Health Field,” I introduced you to Dr. Evan Miller, who I had the pleasure of interviewing about a highly effective program that had the potential to help millions of midlife men. I asked Dr. Miller how he came to be involved with men’s health issues.

                “Similar to you, my background is on the clinical side,” he told me, “I’m a PhD in clinical psychology so I come at this whole medical health care world from a very psychological angle. After grad school I got right into the addiction treatment industry and started a treatment center.”

                He went on to tell me how he came to realize that it was better to help address men’s needs before they were having serious health problems. After having his testosterone levels checked and finding they were very low, he was able to head off potential problems and later founded Gameday Men’s Health.

                “I wanted to cast a wider net,” Dr. Miller said, “and wanted to get the average mainstream guy feeling better.” Gameday Men’s Health has become a success with centers throughout the country.

Hammer & Nails: From Shark Tank to Mainstreet, Men Are Looking and Feeling Great

                When I met Aaron Meyers, the President and Chief Operating Officer of Hammer & Nails, I found another kindred spirit who cared about the health and wellbeing of men. The vision began with Michael Elliot and his unsuccessful request for funds on the popular T.V. series Shark Tank in September 2014.

                Life for young Michael Elliot was hard. The former ward of the state was only twenty and had been homeless in Philadelphia for almost two years. He had no formal education, no family and no support. Instead of letting the circumstances that led to his difficult life drag him down, the young man used his considerable determination and intelligence to make his life a success.

                Elliot had numerous business ideas that failed, but he never gave up. An uncomfortable experience during a manicure and an idea stemming from it led him to open a nail salon with a difference, it was targeted towards men rather than women. Only months after conceiving the concept, he opened his first Hammer & Nails salon in Los Angeles in November 2013. After six months operating the business he applied to appear on Shark Tank, primarily to interest one of the sharks in helping him to franchise the business nationally, and was accepted.

                Though he couldn’t convince any of the Sharks to invest in his idea of a salon for men, Aaron Meyers understood the vision, believed in the idea, and had the expertise in franchising to make the business a success. I recently had the good fortune to interview Aaron Meyers and learn more details about this innovative and unique program for men.

                “We’ve built a man cave, and it has everything you’d expect and more,” Aaron told me. “You get your own TV and remote, noise-canceling headphones, a complimentary frosty beverage, and every seat is custom crafted with your comfort being priority number one. You are going to feel like a modern-day king. And, oh yeah, you can get a haircut, shave or a manicure & pedicure, to help keep your appearance on point.”

                Aaron told me they focus on successful mid-life men, but they are seeing more and more younger men. Men of all ages are looking for a male experience where guys can relax and get the kinds of pampering we might get at an expensive health spa. Whatever our age and whatever we do for a living, we want to be at our best.  Hammer & Nails is manly care for the man who is ready to embrace total care and wellbeing.

                As of 2025, the number of franchises had grown from 13 to 41. There are now 10 locations in California, 9 in Ohio, 3 in Virginia, 2 in Texas, 2 in North Carolina, 2 in Connecticut, 2 in Florida, 1 in Arizona, and 1 in Pennsylvania. And there are more coming. Feedback from customers have also been positive. Take their West Hollywood location, for example, it currently has a 4.8-star rating out of 365 reviews, with many praising the barber shop for its skill and service. Some have even described their barbers as having “magic hands.” You can check out their locations here.

                I remember my own experiences with grooming. Growing up, I didn’t think much about haircuts. I would get one when my mother complained I looked scruffy and I would always go to the same barber shop close to our house. The owner, Eddy, would usually cut my hair, generally a quick buzz cut. It has only been in recent years that I have come to see the value of a full-service experience.

                I had the good fortune to find Martin who was an old-time European barber in my hometown. He and his wife, Helga, owned a little shop in Willits. Helga took care of the women and Martin helped the men. He took his time and worked to give you the style that would make you look good. But the best part was the head, neck, and shoulder massage that accompanied the cut. It was the best part of the experience. I would often see him instead of getting a massage, he was that good.

                As I’ve gotten older, my feet have become more important. I walk every day to stay healthy and getting my toenails clipped is difficult to do myself. There is a salon in town where women get their fingernails and toenails clipped, but even walking by on the street you can smell the chemicals. A friend said he went to get his toes clipped and I gave it a try. The experience left much to be desired. All the staff wore masks to help them breathe. The patrons got used to the toxic chemicals, but I care too much about my own health to accept a toxic environment.  I’d rather wait for Hammer & Nails to come to my town.

                “Today’s extraordinary man deserves a grooming experience that tends to the whole man,” Aaron told me in our interview. “In a space that’s far from take-a-number haircut farms and pedicure stations that reek of acrylic fumes. It’s time to care about the care that goes into men’s grooming. And it starts at a place where men’s care is all we care about. That, and a good drink.”

                To learn more about Hammer & Nails you can do so there. To watch the in-depth interview I did with Aaron Meyers, you can do so here.

                If you would like to read other articles on men’s health and wellbeing, come visit me at https://menalive.com/.

The post Total Man Care is Here: Helping Men Look and Feel Great Now and Forever appeared first on MenAlive.

                Like most males, I have been concerned with birth control most of my life. When I was a teenager there were admonitions from my parents to “be careful.” Though rarely put into words, I knew what they meant was: “Don’t get a girl pregnant.” I still remember overhearing a high school girl telling her friends that she was pregnant and her feelings of excitement at the prospect of being a mother and her recognition that this would mean the end of many of her dreams for the future.

                As a young guy in college my then girlfriend and wife-to-be and I had sex for the first time when she announced that she was “on the pill” and so sex was now safe. But it was years before we realized that taking the pill had unexpected problems for her. We discussed a vasectomy for me, which scared me. The thought of having anything sharp touching my genitals was enough to make me run the other way.

                After hearing about the procedure, I was still not reassured. I understood that the little tubes carrying the sperm would be cut, but exactly where the sperm would go was confusing. Although they told me the surgery could be reversed in the future, it was clear that it would be expensive, with no guarantees that it would be successful. I went ahead and got a vasectomy, but it seemed there should be a better choice for men. Now there is.

Meet Dr. Darlene Walley, Chief Executive Officer of NEXT Life Sciences

                My own interest in helping men and women has evolved through the years. I graduated from college in 1965 and went to medical school, with the hope of becoming a doctor so I could help others. But medicine at the time was so narrowly focused I knew it wouldn’t help me to solve the problems that I was concerned about. I transferred to U.C. Berkeley and earned a master’s degree in social work. After working as a clinician for many years I went back to school and completed the requirements for a PhD in International Health and later helped develop the emerging field of Gender-Specific Medicine for men.  

                As a leader in this emerging field, I often get announcements of breakthrough technologies. A recent email grabbed my attention: “Male Contraceptive Plan A Completes First North American Clinical Trial with 100% Success.” The announcement went on say,

                “Easily reversible, long-lasting male contraceptive Plan A continues to make its way toward FDA submission as it recently successfully completed its second clinical trial; this time in Canada.”

                I read a press release by the company that told me about Dr. Darlene Walley:

                “NEXT Life Sciences, the maker of the male contraceptive product Plan A and a leader in the development of other modern reproductive healthcare solutions announced today the promotion of Dr. Darlene R. Walley as the Chief Executive Officer of NEXT. Dr. Walley has already had incredible success in securing a clear pathway for Plan A with the FDA and it made sense for her to lead the entire organization to get our portfolio of products to market,”

                said L.R. Fox, Founder and Executive Chairman of NEXT Life Sciences.

                They go on to say,

                “Plan A is one of many products in the pipeline as NEXT continues to revolutionize reproductive health. Dr. Walley is known for her tremendous success as an executive in both big Pharma and biotech startups where she has led companies specializing in drug development, manufacturing, and clinical research, and this rare combination puts her in an incredibly unique position to take all our critical products to the world.”

                I reached out to Dr. Walley and did an interview with her which you can watch here.  I learned that NEXT is revolutionizing modern reproductive healthcare and transforming lives through the development of its lead program, Plan A, designed to provide a non-hormonal, long-lasting, and reversible contraceptive solution for men.

                After talking with Dr. Walley, she validated my long-term experience that the current options for contraception and family planning focus mostly on female fertility, burdening women with a majority of the responsibility for reproductive planning. I also learned that negative side effects and health risks associated with these options have also led almost half of all females in the U.S. to discontinue their use.

                From their website PlanAforMen I learned that :

• 121 million unplanned pregnancies take place every year globally.

• 80% of men in the U.S. feel sole or shared responsibility for pregnancy prevention.

• 17 million men in the U.S. are actively looking for a new contraceptive option that fits their lifestyle and relationship.

                Clearly, there is a great need for a non-hormonal, long-lasting, and reversible contraceptive solution for men. But that is just the beginning.

Meet Dr. Bob Dudley, Chief Development Officer, NEXT Life Sciences

                I was pleasantly surprised to see that Dr. Bob Dudley was a member of the NEXT Life Sciences professional team. I worked with Dr. Dudley when he was Vice President of R&D at Unimed Pharmaceuticals. My fourth book, Male Menopause, was published in 1997 and addressed the reality that men, like women, go through their own hormonally driven change of life. The book soon became an international best-seller. I wrote about the importance of testosterone and was invited to meet with the professional staff at Unimed who had recently developed a new testosterone gel, called Androgel. I worked with their staff for five years helping educate professionals and the public about men’s health issues that had often been neglected.

                Dr. Dudley is the primary Inventor of AndroGel®, one of the most successful men’s health products developed and commercialized worldwide.

                “For over 30 years I have been involved in developing and commercializing products to improve men’s health,” says Dr. Dudley. “Being part of the leadership team at NEXT Life Sciences is a perfect fit for my experience and will enable me to use my talents to help create cutting-edge products that help men and women live better, more satisfying lives.”

                He concludes saying,

                “Working with men’s health issues is a calling for me. I’ve managed to find a career that continues to fascinate and energize me; it makes me feel like I’m making a positive difference for men. If you can manage to find a way to reap such rich internal rewards, you’re blessed!”

                For more information about the male contraceptive PlanA, you can learn more here:

https://www.planaformen.com/

                To learn more about NEXT Life Sciences, you can learn more here:

https://www.nextlifesciences.org

                To watch my interview with Dr. Walley, you can do so here:

                You can read more articles and learn about my own work with men’s health by visiting me here:  https://menalive.com/

The post Revolutionizing Male Birth Control: Dr. Darlene Walley Offers Plan A For Men appeared first on MenAlive.

                In Part 1 of this series, I introduced you to Phil Stutz and described my first encounters with his work and how valuable I have found his practices. I described the three domains that Dr. Stutz believes are part of the universal human experience: The first domain is pain. The second domain is uncertainty. The third domain is constant work. In Part 2, I described Universe 1 and Universe 2 and how we can get in touch with our Life Force.  In Part 3, we will tie Dr. Stutz’s work with depth psychologist James Hillman.

Finding the Code to Our Soul’s Calling

                According to the philosopher Plato,

“When all the souls had chosen their lives, they went before Lachesis. And she sent with each, as the guardian of his life and the fulfiller of his choice, the daimon that he had chosen.”

                In his book, The Soul’s Code: In Search of Character and Calling, psychologist James Hillman offers us guidance to find the calling of our soul.

                When I first heard James Hillman speak, it was at a men’s gathering with Robert Bly and Michael Meade. He described that feeling all have had at certain times of our lives when we first feel there is a larger purpose to our lives, a reason our unique selves are here, and that there are things we must attend to that gives meaning to our lives.  

                Hillman also says that the key to finding our calling is to discover our inner guide that helps us discover and follow our calling. Hillman says that Plato and the Greeks called it our “daimon,” the Romans our “genius,” the Christians our “guardian angel. Today we use terms such as “heart, spirit, or soul.”

                For Hillman it is at the heart of what he calls the “acorn theory,” which proposes that each life is formed by a particular image, an image that is the essence of that life and calls it to a destiny, just as the mighty oak’s destiny is written in the tiny acorn. It is a theory that offers a liberating vision of childhood troubles and traumas.

                I wrote about my own childhood traumas in my book, My Distant Dad: Healing the Family Father Wound. The book begins at age five with me being driven by my uncle to the mental hospital:

                I grew up believing that my father was crazy, that I would become crazy too, and that I had inherited his “disease.” It was only years later that I read Hillman’s work and realized that my father wasn’t crazy, that I wasn’t crazy, but I was answering the call of my own daimon in support of my destiny for helping men like my father and their families.  This is a calling I have been following now for seventy-five years.

“The acorn theory leads to practical moves,” says Hillman. “The most practical is to entertain the ideas implied by the myth in viewing your biography — ideas of calling, of soul, of daimon, of fate, of necessity. Then, the myth implies, we must attend very carefully to childhood to catch early glimpses of the daimon in action to grasp its intentions and block its way.”

                That understanding helped me change my views about my own childhood, how I saw my father and myself. It gave me a more positive and powerful guide to my own past and future. Hillman goes on to say,

“The rest of the practical implications swiftly unfold:

  “Recognize the call as a prime fact of human existence.

1. Align life with it.
2. Find the common sense to realize that accidents, including the heartache and natural shocks the flesh is heir to, belong to the pattern of the image, are necessary to it, and help fulfill it.”

Phil Stutz, The Need For Constant Work and The Stringing of Pearls

                Phil Stutz describes the third domain for accessing the Life Force and Universe Two as “The Need for Constant Work.” He sees the universe being in constant motion and in order to fulfill our soul’s calling, we need to constantly create and engage.

“When you are engaged in infinite creation, you are in Universe Two. When you are convinced that work is finite and you’ve done enough, you are back in Universe One.”

                In order to grasp these concepts in my own life, I had to change my view of work. As I said, I grew up in a family where my father struggled to do the work he loved. My fathers brothers and sisters were all doing work which be seen as successful in Universe One. A few were in the insurance business, one owned a store, and all struggled to make a living. No one, but my father, felt that people should do work they loved or that contributed to improving the world. Work was serious business and making money was the measure of success.

                For Phil Stutz, the purpose of work was not to achieve monetary success or even to achieve a goal, but simple to keep moving ahead and doing what our hearts, our daimon, calls on us to do.

“We need a functional definition of success in our culture particularly because it’s so wrapped up with identity,” says Stutz. “You can’t structure your life around an identity where you win and you’re a big shot, or you lose and you’re nothing.”

                He offers a tool to help us understand, appreciate, and practice as “Stringing the Pearls.” I learned that pearls are formed as a defense mechanism within mollusk shells, typically oysters, in response to an irritant. The mollusk coats the irritant with layers of nacre, a substance made of calcium carbonate and proteins, to reduce irritation and eventually create a pearl. 

                Stutz emphasizes that each action, regardless of size, is equally valuable and contributes to the overall progression of one’s life. The “pearls” represent actions, and the string represents the continuous development of one’s life journey. The concept encourages focusing on taking the next step, even small ones, and acknowledges that no action is perfect, but each one contributes to the string. 

                For me, the idea of stringing the pearls put work in a much larger context. Instead of being so focused on money and success and constant worry about losing my job or missing a deadline or some other external measure of success, I could relax and be constantly guided by my inner knowing. I realized that I could stop always trying to find the secret for success or a magic formula for making millions. Instead, I make to recognize the following truths:

• Each Action is Valuable. Whether I’m working on my next book or preparing breakfast for my wife, each action is a pearl on my string and valuable in and of themselves. It matters less whether I receive some external reward, even praise for “a job well done,” and more on just doing the work and adding another pearl to stand.

• Focus on the Next Step. It doesn’t matter how big or small the action is or even if I succeed or fail. All provide lessons in life and are worth doing. There’s always something we can do to offer a gift of some kind to someone else.

• Acknowledge Imperfection. In drawing his pictures of the “pearl,” Phil would always include a little black dot, a “turd,” to remind us not to get hung up with the result. We must accept the uncertainties of life, and continue to act courageously and decisively.

• Progress over Perfection. Every little step helps. Everything has a lesson. Everything is a gift. Life is dance and we need to have fun and enjoy the music.

                To learn more about Phil Stutz and his work, you can visit him here. If you’d like to read more articles by me and learn more about my work, you can visit me here.

The post Phil Stutz, True Magic, & Healing ManKind: Helpful Tools for Today’s World – Part 3: The Life Force, The Soul’s Calling, and The Pearls appeared first on MenAlive.

                In Part 1 I introduced you to two men who have had a powerful influence on my life and career. The philosopher Paul Tillich introduced me to three fundamental questions in life:

1. What’s wrong with men, women, and society?
2. What would we be like if we were healed, whole, actualized?
3. How do we move from brokenness to wholeness?

                The psychiatrist Dr. Phil Stutz introduced me to the three unavoidable realities of life that we must all navigate and integrate, which I described in Part 1.

1. The domain of pain.
2. The domain of uncertainty.
3. The domain of constant work.

                “The three domains, in combination, unlock real magic, not fake power,” says Dr. Stutz. “Once you learn to move through pain, you will gain the ability to expand; once you contend with uncertainty, you will gain the ability to decide and create; and once you embrace constant work, you will gain the ability to be infinite.”

Meet Your Life Force

                “Throughout my career,” says, Dr. Stutz, “I would often find my self confronted with a certain type of patient. Usually, it would be a middle-aged guy. He’d say something like ‘I can’t control my temper, my wife says I’m an addict, I gamble too much, I’m miserable, etc. And then he would say, ‘If only I knew why I was here, If I only knew my mission, I’d be motivated and able to do the things I know I should do. But I feel hopeless, because I don’t know how to find out what my mission is.’”

                Instead of making a psychiatric diagnosis based on his symptoms, which Dr. Stutz (and I agree with him wholeheartedly) has limited utility, he would,

                “Explain to him that I can’t tell him his mission, and that the source of knowledge about his life purpose isn’t in his head. Your Life Force is the part that’s going to point you toward your mission in life and why you’re here. It’s not something you think; you have to feel it.”

                Most of us have a sense of our life force but at times of crisis we often tune out, become overwhelmed, you lose connection.

                “The Life Force,” says Dr. Stutz, “is a profound and mysterious power responsible for intuition, identify, and recovery. By connecting with it, you’ll develop stronger instincts, though faith will be key to this transition.”

                I found that when I’m feeling strong in body, mind, and spirit and do the practices I’ve learned over the years, I feel connected to my Life Force. But when I get off track, which we all do, I need to reconnect. As usual Dr. Stutz has a handy tool for this.

                It is a three-part pyramid, starting at the base.

                “You’re going to start by getting off your ass, turning the TV off, and walking around the block,” says Dr. Stutz.

1. Get in touch with your body. Get moving. Exercise, walk, swim. Whatever makes you feel alive.
2. Connect with others. When we’re feeling down and depressed, we hunger for someone else to magically fix us. Reaching out and doing something for others is a good start to get in touch with our Life Force. Find little ways to connect. Smile, talk to a stranger. Do something nice for your wife or kids.
3. Be good to yourself. We often treat others better than we treat ourselves. Find ways to be good to yourself. Be kind. Watch the “self-talk” that is often negative. Take a warm bath, get a massage, whatever goodness you can give yourself is a blessing.

                I believe the Life Force is most present in our connections with our bodies, other people, and ourselves. I have often think of it as a “golden thread” that connects me with life all that is.

                There’s a poem by Parker J. Palmer that begins with a line from William Stafford, a mentor of Robert Bly, that helps ground me when I feel lost. It is called, Everything Falls Away.

EVERYTHING FALLS AWAY

There’s a thread you follow.  It goes among
things that change.  But it doesn’t change.

William Stafford

Sooner or later, everything falls away.
You, the work you’ve done, your successes,
large and small, your failures, too. Those
moments when you were light, alongside
the times you became one with the night.
The friends, the people you loved
who loved you, those who might have wished
you ill, none of this is forever. All of it is
soon to go, or going, or long gone.

Everything falls away, except the thread
you’ve followed, unknowing, all along.
The thread that strings together all you’ve
been and done, the thread you didn’t know
you were tracking until, toward the end,
you see that the thread is what stays
as everything else falls away.

Follow that thread as far as you can and
you’ll find that it does not end, but weaves
into the unimaginable vastness of life. Your
life never was the solo turn it seemed to be.
It was always part of the great weave of
nature and humanity, an immensity we
come to know only as we follow our own
small threads to the place where they
merge with the boundless whole.

Each of our threads runs its course, then
joins in life together. This magnificent tapestry –
this masterpiece in which we live forever.

Parker J. Palmer

                I also like the simple poem The Way It Is by William Stafford, which inspired Everything Falls Away.

THE WAY IT IS

There’s a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn’t change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can’t get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding.
You don’t ever let go of the thread.

Understanding the Structure of Reality: Universe One and Universe Two

                “There are two points of view, or conceptual frameworks, for understanding the universe or what reality really is,” says Dr. Stutz. “The value in Universe One is defined by mathematics. Anything dominated by mathematics, whether it’s a culture or religion, eventually becomes completely money driven.”

                “Universe Two is a very different playing field,” says Dr. Stutz. “In Universe Two, money means nothing. Outcomes mean nothing. The only thing that matters in Universe Two is the present moment: This moment. The value of Universe Two is creating. The most valuable thing you can do is create something out of nothing.”

                In Universe One, we see ourselves as “lone rangers,” separate entities, disconnected from the community of life, feeling we need to dominate and control nature, other humans, ultimately ourselves. It is a lonely, frightening world.

                In Universe Two, we are deeply connected to everything — other people, the animals and plants, even the rocks, the wind, and the rain. We are never alone, we are part of something beautiful, infinite, and mysterious.

                Tony Kushner, who wrote the Pulitzer Prize winning play, Angels in America, said,

                “The smallest indivisible human unit is two people, not one; one is a fiction. From such nets of souls societies, the social world, human life springs. And also plays.”

                Kushner recognizes that in many ways reality that dominates so much of our lives in modern times, Universe One, is a fiction. The main reasons humans are so self-destructive and miserable these days is that we have lost connection with Universe Two.

                “Working you ass off, making lots of money, and retiring isn’t as good as the fantasy of Universe One,” says Dr. Stutz. “If you want to know who you really are, ask yourself what you would spend your time on even if you knew it would never make you any money.”

                Dr. Stutz goes on to say,

                “If you’re willing to give up part of your income for something else, whatever it is, then you’ve discovered your higher power. For example, I lose money when I work on developing these books, because, I can’t see as many patients.”

                [Dr. Stutz charges $700 per hour for private therapy sessions. He has a well-known therapy practice in Los Angeles and is known for his celebrity clientele. His approach to therapy is often described as direct and results-oriented.]

                In Part 3 of this series, I will describe more about the results-oriented tools that Dr. Stutz shares with his clients. If you haven’t already subscribed to my free weekly newsletter, you may do so here.

The post Phil Stutz, True Magic, & Healing ManKind: Helpful Tools for Today’s World – Part 2: Universe 1 and Universe 2 appeared first on MenAlive.