Mental Health

Although there have been infinite varieties of life forms that have evolved on Earth in the last 4 billion years, two life forms that are our male and female ancestors evolved a billion years ago. Here’s how this first sexual experience occurred according to cosmologist Dr. Brian Swimme and historian Dr. Thomas Berry in their book, The Universe Story.

            The first male organism—they call him Tristan—and the first female organism—they call her Iseult—began life in the ancient oceans. Swimme and Berry describe their chance encounter this way:

“They were cast into the marine adventure, with its traumas of starvation and of predation. Able to nourish themselves but no longer capable of dividing into daughter cells, such primal living beings made their way through life until an almost certain death ended their 3-billion-year lineage.

A slight, an ever so slight, chance existed that a Tristan cell would come upon a corresponding Iseult cell.They would brush against each other, a contact similar to so many trillions of other encounters in their oceanic adventure. But with this one, something new would awaken. Something unsuspected and powerful and intelligent, as if they had drunk a magical elixir, would enter the flow of electricity through each organism.

Suddenly the very chemistry of their cell membranes would begin to change. Interactions evoked by newly functioning segments of her DNA would restructure the molecular web of Iseult’s skin, so that an act she had never experienced or planned for would begin to take place—Tristan entering her cell wholly.”

Of course no humans were there to record this original encounter, but we all have origin stories and this one resonates with me. Dates are never exact and change as more information is gathered. Here are some additional dates I found important in The Universe Story timeline:

• 12 billion years ago, the universe begins.
• 4 billion years ago life first emerges.
• 1 billion years ago sexual reproduction evolves.
• 216 million years ago the first mammals appear.
• 30 million years ago the first apes inhabit the earth.
• 2.6 million years ago the first humans appeared.
• 200,000 years ago Archaic Homo sapiens evolved.
• 10,600 years ago first settlements in the Middle East emerged and wheat and barley were cultivated.

Needless to say, we have a long evolutionary history to embrace. In their book, Solving Modern Problems with a Stone-Age Brain, Douglas T. Kenrick, PhD and David E. Lundberg-Kenrick describe seven evolutionary challenges we must all face and embrace. They offer a visual summary as a revision of Maslow’s original Hierarchy of Human Needs which they call The New Pyramid of Human Motives:

The Seven Challenges for a Successful Life

            During the billion years of life, all organisms must embrace these challenges and they are particularly relevant beginning with our mammalian history. In their book, the Kenricks ask, “What are the fundamental problems of human existence?” They go on to share the results of their research.

“Together with a large team of researchers at more than 30 universities on five continents, we have been investigating the universal motivations faced by human beings around the globe.”

Here is a summary of their findings:

• Survive.

                        We must meet our basic physiological needs for shelter from the elements,

                       water, and food.

• Protect yourself from attackers and plunderers.

      Given the scarcity of resources and the ever-present possibility of starvation, there has always been competition among different groups (most often the male members) for precious real estate and resources (including access to females).

• Make and keep friends.

                         As the Kenricks remind us. “Our ancestors were not rugged individualists.

                       They need to band together not only to protect themselves from bands of

                       marauding bad guys but also to accomplish most of the tasks of everyday life.”

• Get some respect.

                      Some people have always been more resourceful and clever than others and

                      some were more willing to bravely defend their groups against armed marauders.

                      Those resourceful and courageous individuals won higher status and gained

                      greater respect.

• Find a mate.

                     “From the perspective of evolution by natural selection,” say the Kenricks, “this

                       step is essential. Every one of our ancestors managed to attract at least one

                       person who wanted to make with them. Not everybody in the ancient world got

                       to reproduce, though, and a reasonable percentage of men went unmated.” This

                       fact, is of major importance when understanding male desires, fears, and

                       behavior.

• Hang on to that mate.

                     From an evolutionary perspective, we not only have to find a mate who will have

                      sex with us, but we need to hold on to our mate long enough to have a child and

                      raise the child to maturity, so they can find a mate and continue the process.

• Care for your family members.

  Unlike other animals, human males are much more involved with raising children, since human children require long-term care before they reach reproductive age.

Males and Females Are Alike and Also Different

            Males and females are alike in that they must both successfully meet the seven challenges noted above. However, there are also significant evolutionary differences. These differences first came home to me when I first met psychologist David M. Buss and read his book, The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating.  

            “If mating desires and other features of human psychology are products of our evolutionary history,” says Dr. Buss, “they should be found universally, not just in the United States.”

To test his theories, he conducted a five-year study working with collaborators from thirty-seven cultures located on six continents and five islands. All major racial groups, religious groups, and ethnic groups were represented. In all, his research team surveyed 10,047 persons world-wide.

            Dr. Buss concluded that there are actually two human natures, one male, the other female. What do women really want?  Buss found that the top three qualities that women look for in men are exactly the same as those things that men look for in women: Intelligence, kindness, and love. Then, what women want diverges from what men want.

            “Women then look at a man’s ability to protect her and her children, his capacity to provide, and his willingness to make commitment to a relationship,” says Buss.

            What do men really want?  

“A man is drawn to youth and beauty,”

says Buss.

“This  interest is not just a modern desire driven by advertising and male desire to control women [though advertisers take advantage of our evolutionary-driven desires]. It is a universal desire based on evolutionary pressures for reproductive success. Men who mated with women who were incapable of bearing children left no ancestors. Every man alive today is descended from men who did not make that mistake. Worldwide, men are drawn to younger women.”

            Note: Just because we have these evolutionary-based desires does not mean we must act on them, that they are good for us, or will make us, or the partners we desire, happy. It also does not mean they are hard-wired into our biological makeup and can’t be changed. It does mean that we must take seriously our evolutionary-based desires and listen to the ancient “whisperings within” that pull us in certain directions.

The Hazards and Blessings of Gender-Specific Health

The ancient Roman philosopher, Virgil offers a simple truth to consider.

“The greatest wealth is health.”

A modern American medical doctor, Marianne J. Legato, M.D., world-renowned cardiologist and founder of The Foundation For Gender-Specific Medicine, says,

“The premature death of men is the most important—and neglected—health issue of our time.”

Although human males, as a group, occupy more positions of power in government and business than women, it has come at a price. This was first brought home to me by psychologist Herb Goldberg, in his book 1976, The Hazards of Being Male.

“The male has paid a heavy price for his masculine ‘privilege’ and power. He is out of touch with his emotions and his body. He is playing by the rules of the male game plan and with lemming-like purpose he is destroying himself—emotionally, psychologically and physically.”

In recent years we have learned a lot more about the realities of being male.

“If it’s true that men rule the world, it comes at a heavy cost,”

says Dr. Legato.

“From conception until death, men are inherently more fragile and vulnerable than women. In virtually every society today, men die first.”

Dr. Legato offers the following facts of life:

• The male fetus is less likely to survive the womb than the female.
• Boys are six weeks behind in developmental maturity at birth compared to girls.
• Men have four times the developmental disabilities of females.
• Men suffer more severely than women from seven of the ten most common infections that human experience [Including Covid-19].
• Men are likely to experience the first ravages of coronary artery disease in their mid-thirties, a full 15 or 20 years before women.
• Twice as many men die of heart disease, the leading cause of all deaths, than do women.
• Men die by suicide 4 times more than women.
• Murder and homicide are among the top four killers of men from the time they are born until heart disease and cancers begin to claim those who survive into middle age.

Accepting the realities of our own inherent weakness and vulnerabilities instead of trying to pretend we are masters of the universe is the first step we just take to begin our own healing and recovery.

I have been writing a series of articles on the Future of Men’s Mental Health. In Part 3, “Gender-Specific Healing and Man Therapy,” I explore my own healing journey and issues that address the unique problems faced by men and how the emerging field of Gender-Specific Healing and Men’s Health is a key to the future of health care. If you’d like more information about upcoming trainings, drop me an email to Jed@MenAlive.com and put “Gender-Specific Health Training” in the subject line.

The post The Hazards and Blessings of Being Male: Embracing the Seven Challenges For a Successful Life appeared first on MenAlive.

Have you been following the discussion that began with a question to a small group of women: If you were alone in the woods, would you rather encounter a bear or a man? The great majority of the women answered, “a bear” and explained that they would feel safer encountering a bear in the forest than a man they didn’t know. The hypothetical question has sparked a broader discussion about why women fear men.

            I’d like to share my own experiences. I will start by laying my cards on the table so you know my biases from the outset:

• I have been a man all my life which now totals 80 years.

• I was born in New York City, grew up in Los Angeles, and have lived in cities most of my life where I never encountered a bear or any other wild animal.

• I am a psychotherapist, author of 17 books about men and their relationships, and have worked with what many consider “dangerous men” in jails, prisons, and treatment centers.

• In 1991 my wife and I moved out of the city, bought land in the hills of Mendocino County outside a small town of Willits, California and I had my first encounter with wild animals including several bears.

            The impetus for our move to the country began when I was diagnosed with a rare adrenal tumor which kills most people before they know they have it. Luckily, I didn’t die. My doctor made the diagnosis—a pheochromocytoma. I had emergency surgery and the tumor was removed.

            When I asked the doctors what caused me to get a tumor, they didn’t know. “Maybe genetics, maybe bad luck, who knows?” they told me. Well, I believe we all have an inner healer who does know. I asked and the answer I got was clear and concise:

            Inner Healer to Jed: Adrenal tumor, adrenaline! Don’t you get it? You’ve living in stressful environments for way too long. You have to slow down.

            Jed to Inner Healer: I have slowed down. I was born to New York, pretty high-stressed place. We moved to Los Angeles where I grew up and went to school, a lower stress place. Now we live in Mellow Marin County. I’ve been slowing down, really I have.

            Inner Healer to Jed: I do hear you. You have slowed down, New York, Los Angeles, Marin. You’ve gotten your stress score down from 100 to an 88. But you have to get it down to a 9.

            Jed to Inner Healer: You’ve got to be kidding me, a 9!  I’d have to change my whole life!!!

            Inner Healer to Jed: Yep.

            So, we found a little cabin on 22 acres of land and moved in and I planned to relax more. It was quiet and peaceful and the neighbors were nice. But the truth was, everything scared me. It was too quiet. After we had been there a month and I was sitting on a ridge overlooking a valley, I heard a very faint sound. So soft, I wasn’t even sure it was there. I finally realized that what I was hearing was the sound of my eye lashes blinking. I was used to the sounds of a big city. It was difficult to think with only the sounds of silence to keep me company.

            What really scared me, though, were the animal sounds I would hear at night. I was determined to follow my inner healer’s advice and learn to slow down and relax. I knew I needed to settle into my new surroundings. There was  a deck at the end of our property where I often went to think about my future. I decided I would learn to address my anxieties and fears by sleeping outside every night during the first summer we were there.

            Each night after dinner, I would walk in the dark from our house to the deck, about a ten-minute walk, where I would spend the night. I walked first with a flashlight, then stop, turn it off, and listen to the night sounds. I would hear the bugs, birds, and small animals moving through the brush. I would snuggle up in my sleeping bag and gradually I got used to the night sounds and got to know the creatures that lived in my new neighborhood in the woods.

            One morning as I was just waking up I saw a large animal coming my way on a narrow trail that led away from my deck where I slept. At first I didn’t know what it was. It was bigger than a big dog but walked differently. It didn’t take me long to realize that a large black bear was walking towards me.

            My mouth went dry, my heart began to pound. I didn’t know what to do. Should I yell and try and scare him away? Should I run and hide? I had no idea. What I finally did was to start talking very fast: “Ah…bear…I’m Jed, I don’t have anything you would want to eat, including me, I know this is your home, I just moved here, I really want to be a good neighbor, please don’t hurt me, I…”

            I ran out of words and the bear stopped a hundred feet from me. I looked at him (or her? I had no idea)  and he looked at me. And I wondered whether the next thing would be a bear at my throat. Instead, he turned around and walked back down the path.

            It was a strange rite of passage for this city boy. I felt like he had decided that I was definitely a little strange but I was OK. He came back periodically when I wasn’t there. I could tell because he marked his territory by scratching marks on the posts of my deck. I had a number of encounters with bears, a few real scary one when we encountered a mamma bear with her cubs and she reared up on her hind legs and barked her cubs up a three. I bowed low and slowly backed away.  I had a healthy respect for bears and other wild animals but we got to know each other.

            Not so, when I had my first encounter with a strange man. One morning I was walking on my property and suddenly a strange man turned the corner on the trail. I yelled, turned around and ran. I looked over my shoulder to see if he was chasing me and realized that he was running away, looking over his shoulder to see if I was chasing him.

            We both stopped running and slowly approached each other cautiously. I told him I owned this property and told me he was visiting neighbors and had gone for a walk and gotten lost the night before. He had slept out all night and was trying to find his way back when he ran into me. I drove him back to the neighbors who saw me as a hero for finding their friend and we shared stories about our encounters with bears and men.

What Evolutionary Science Can Teach Us About Bears and Men and How to Stay Safe

            We can’t understand bears, men, or how to be safe unless we know something about evolutionary science. In their book The Universe Story, cosmologist Dr. Brian Swimme and historian Dr. Thomas Berry, share our evolutionary history. Here are a few key players and the dates they joined the party:

• 12 billion years ago, the universe began with a bang.
• 4 billion years ago life first emerged.
• 216 million years ago the first mammals appeared.
• 55 million years ago the first bear-like animals evolved.
• 2.6 million years ago the first humans, Homo habilis, walked the earth.

            In a recent book, Solving Modern Problems with a Stone-Age Brain, evolutionary psychologists Douglas T. Kenrick and David E. Lunberg-Kenrick, detail the seven fundamental problems the humans have faced since we arrived. We have to:

1. Survive by meeting our basic needs for water, food, and shelter.
2. Protect ourselves from attackers and plunderers.
3. Make and keep friends.
4. Gain status and respect from our fellow tribal members.
5. Find a mate.
6. Hang on to that mate.
7. Focus on family and raise good children.

            What they say about basic challenges number 1 and 2, can help us better understand how to stay safe in today’s world. The first step is clear. We must get what we need to survive or our story ends here. All our direct ancestors survived and completed all seven steps.

            They go on to talk about the reality that in our evolutionary past, as well as in modern times, we have a lot more to fear from men than we do from wild animals. In the Bronx Zoo, there is a classic sign on one exhibit that advertised, “World’s Most Dangerous Predator.” Above the sign was a mirror.

            Humans truly are a dangerous species and the danger is most commonly coming from men. Whether you are venturing into the remote unexplored jungles where modern hunter-gatherers live or looking at death rates from our evolutionary past, Dr. Kenrick and other evolutionary-informed scientists have found that men are the more violent half of humanity.

“The odds that a stranger is a potential threat to your physical safety are many times higher if that stranger is a male. They are especially high if he is a young adult male and if he is with a group of other young adult males.”

            So, it is natural that women, and men, would be more fearful of meeting an unknown man in the woods than a bear. But the fact that our modern brains still have the old wiring from our evolutionary past, does not mean that we should be afraid of all bears or all men. As I learned, we are all safer when we learn about the others who we will encounter in our lives.

            I learned to get comfortable with the bears who lived in my neighborhood. I also learned I could talk to the bears, let them know I was no threat, and I imagined they would listen. I found out I could overcome my immediate reaction to flee or fight when confronted by an unknown male. I could stop and realize we were both afraid of each other and taking time to calm down and talk helped us both connect in a positive way.

            What I have learned from evolutionary science is that most wild animals can be our friends and so can most men. The way to be safer in the world is to connect more deeply with ourselves, each other, and this beautiful planet we all share.

            One more point. Humans have certainly done our evolutionary job well in populating the world. We don’t need more and more people, but we could certainly use more wisdom from our animal elders. As Thomas Berry reminds us,

“We never knew enough. Nor were we sufficiently intimate with all our cousins in the great family of the earth. Nor could we listen to the various creatures of the earth, each telling its own story. The time has now come, however, when we will listen or we will die.”

            I have worked with a lot of dangerous and violent men in my life. I agree with the world of psychologist James Hollis. “Men’s lives are violent because their souls have been violated.” I invite those interested to check out our Moonshot for Mankind.

The post Man or Bear: What Evolutionary Science Can Tell Us About Male Violence and How to Stay Safe appeared first on MenAlive.

Part 3—Gender-Specific Healing and Man Therapy

            In Part 1, I addressed the questions, “Men and Mental Health, What Are We Missing?” Part 2 focused on the way that “Mental Health Crises Are Putting Everyone at Risk.” In Part 3, I will explore my own journey addressing issues that address the unique issues faced by men and how the emerging field of Gender-Specific Healing and Men’s Health is a key to the future of health care.

            I have become an expert in the field of Gender-Specific Healing and Men’s Mental Health due, in no small part, to the fact that my interest began more than 80 years ago. Prior to my much-anticipated birth, my parents were convinced that I would be a girl and had girl’s names picked out as well as an assortment of cuddly girls dolls that were popular in 1943, the year I was born. It took my parents several days to accept the reality of my little penis and to agree on a name for their new baby boy.

            At age three I announced that I no longer wanted to wear my white “baby shoes” and announced I wanted a change. My mother took me to the shoe store for my first pair of “big-boy shoes”. After perusing the store I found my shoes and jumped for joy when my eyes landed on a pair of red Keds. The salesman measured my feet and returned with a box which he opened carefully and good out a beautiful pair of blue shoes. I was crestfallen and didn’t understand the logic of his cheerful explanation. “Blue is for boys,” he told us smiling at my mother. “Red is for girls and we wouldn’t want our little man to get off on the wrong foot…chuckle, chuckle.”

            Bless her heart, my mother was not amused and told the clerk in no uncertain terms to give her son what he asked for and I danced out of the store wearing my beautiful red Keds. I reasoned since I was a boy and I liked the color red, then red was obviously a boy’s color.

            When I grew up and got married and our son, Jemal, was born on November 21, 1969 and our daughter, Angela, on March 22, 1972, my wife and I promised that we wouldn’t try to push our children into societal pigeon holes or gender-restricting boxes of what boys and girls must do and be. Yet, like most parents, it soon became apparent that each of our children were unique and different and that there were clearly some differences that seemed sex-specific beyond the obvious reality of a penis being part of Jemal’s anatomy and a vagina part of Angela’s body.

            After receiving a Master of Social Work degree (and later a PhD in International Health), I began specializing in work with men and their families. My first book, Inside Out: Becoming My Own Man was published in 1983, followed by Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places, and The Warrior’s Journey Home: Healing Men, Healing the Planet.

            My work gained international success with the publication of Male Menopause in 1997. After working with many mid-life men and their wives, it became clear to me that men also went through a biologically based “change of life” that had many similarities and differences from what women experienced. The book was translated into fourteen foreign languages and I spent the next seven years speaking around the world and offering trainings for professional working with issues of midlife and aging.

            In 2002, I met Marianne Legato, M.D., following the publication of her book, Eve’s Rib: The New Science of Gender-Specific Medicine and How It Can Save Your Life.

“Until now, we’ve acted as though men and women were essentially identical except for the differences in their reproductive function,”

said Dr. Legato.

“In fact, information we’ve been gathering over the past ten years tells us that this is anything but true, and that everywhere we look, the two sexes are startingly and unexpectedly different not only in their normal function but in the ways they experience illness.”

            The need for gender-specific health care is gaining increased support. According to David C. Page, M.D., professor of biology at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT),

“There are 10 trillion cells in the human body and every one of them is sex specific. We’ve had a unisex vision of the human genome, but men and women are not equal in our genome and men and women are not equal in the face of disease.”

            Dr. Page summarizes the importance of his research.

“We need to build a better tool kit for researchers that is XX and XY informed rather than our current gender-neutral stance.  We need a tool kit that recognizes the fundamental difference on a cellular, organ, system, and person level between XY and XX.  I believe that if we do this, we will arrive at a fundamentally new paradigm for understanding and treating human disease.”

Man Therapy: The Future of Gender-Specific Health Care for Men

            Although the research on gender-specific medicine was intended to be for men as well as women, Dr. Legato acknowledges that men’s health has been neglected. In a recent interview she told me that gender-specific medicine is not just about women’s health, but about the health of both sexes, the funding for our initial research came from companies that were focused on new health products and services for women.

            In an article, “Healer, Heal Thyself,”  Dr. Legato told me candidly,

“My physician father illustrated many of the biological and societal hazards of being male. My mother outlived him by a decade, mourning his absence every day. The premature death of men is the most important—and neglected—health issue of our time.”

            I first heard about the work of Man Therapy when I met its founder and creator, Joe Conrad in November 2021. I was impressed with the creative ways that Man Therapy addressed serious issues like male-type depression and suicide prevention. I invited Joe to join a new venture I called our Moonshot for Mankind and Humanity. Joe’s team helped us create a website and introductory video.

            The purpose of the Moonshot for Mankind is to bring together organizations and individuals who are doing positive and important work to help improve men’s mental, emotional, and relational health. Man Therapy is one of the best I’ve seen since it has been proven to be effective in preventing suicide and engaging men in improving their lives.

            “What began as a suicide prevention campaign has morphed into a men’s mental health campaign where the goal is to support all men before they are ever in crisis,” says Conrad. “We remind men that taking care of their mental health is the manliest things a man can do, that therapy comes in many forms and connect men and their loved ones to information, tools and resources. Our goals remain to bust through the stigma, increase help-seeking behavior and reduce suicide among working-age men.”

            In 2022, I interviewed Joe Conrad and wrote an article, “Man Therapy: Why Gender-Specific Health Care is Good for Men, Women, and The  World.”  Joe told me,

“Man Therapy was launched in 2010 and has had more than 1.5 million visits to the site. Visitors have completed 400,000 ‘head inspections’ and there have been 40,000 clicks to the crisis line.”

            That was impressive enough, but I also learned that the program had been evaluated by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The study shows that men who access Man Therapy, as a digital mental health intervention, experience a decrease in depression and suicidal ideation, a reduction in poor mental health days, and an increase in help-seeking behavior. Additionally, the study shows that men in the Man Therapy control group reported statistically significant improved rates of engaging in formal help-seeking behaviors through tools like online treatment locator systems, making or attending a mental health treatment appointment, or attending a professionally led support group.

The Man Therapy Community and Provider Directory: You Can Join Now

            When I began working in the field of gender-specific healing and men’s health there was a huge need for services, but very few practitioners focused on the unique health issues facing men. The need continues to increase, but now there are many more health care providers. For the first time, Man Therapy is creating a Man Therapist’s Directory.

            Joe Conrad says,

“The Man Therapy team is excited to announce that their very own Man Therapist Provider Directory is officially live. Knowing that men face unique mental health challenges, our aim in building this tool is to create a first-of-its-kind network of therapists and providers that are uniquely qualified and passionate about working with men.”

            He goes on to say,

“By joining our Provider Directory, you can leverage Man Therapy’s thousands of unique site visits every day to promote your services directly to men who are actively seeking help. This listing includes your headshot or logo, a brief description of your services, and a link directly to your personal website for more information about working with you.”

            I was excited to join and I immediately signed up. You can see my listing here. Joe’s long-term goal, which I am excited to support, is to make Man Therapy the world’s leading mental health brand. If you are a mental health professional or know someone who is, you may want to learn more about Man Therapy.

            “Man Therapy formally invites you to be among the first to join our growing network,”

says Joe Conrad.

“Please click this link and follow the instructions for submitting your application. Once you get to the payment section, insert this discount code – mtlaunch50 – to receive 50% off an annual membership to our network as a thank you for all you do to support men.”

            This is a wonderful opportunity to get in on the ground floor and join this community of healers and those seeking to improve their own health. Stay tuned for more articles that will explore additional issues about the importance of men’s mental health. If you are not already receiving my free weekly newsletter you can sign up here.

The post The Future of Men’s Mental Health appeared first on MenAlive.