Mental Health

                You don’t even have to watch the news to know that things are not going well in our world. The signs of collapse are all around us. There are two ways most people respond: (1) Close your eyes, put your head in the sand, and pretend that all is well, or hope that some magical solution will be invented to fix things quickly and easily (2) Redirect your fear, rage and despair to someone or something you can blame for our problems, or try and escape into one diverting fantasy after another and temporarily calm your nerves.

                There is another choice that is more effective, but not for the faint of heart. It begins when we face the truth about our present situation. I got my own wakeup call more than thirty years ago. Here’s how I described it in my latest book, Long Live Men! The Moonshot Mission to Heal Men, Close the Lifespan Gap, and Offer Hope to Humanity:

                “In 1993 I attended a Men’s Leaders’ Conference in Indianapolis, Indiana. One of the activities offered was a traditional Native-American sweat lodge ceremony where we ask for guidance and support for ourselves and our communities. I had the following life-changing vision.

                We are all on a huge ocean liner. Everything we know and have ever known is on the ship. People are born and die. Goods and services are created, wars are fought, and elections are held and disputed. Species come into being and face extinction. The ship steams on and on, and there is no doubt that it will continue on its present course forever.

                There are many decks on the ship, starting way down in the boiler room where the poorest and grimiest toil to keep the ship going. As you ascend the decks, things get lighter and easier. The people who run the ship have suites on the very top deck. Their job, as they see it, is to keep the ship going and keep those on the lower decks in their proper places. Since they are at the top, they are sure they deserve to acquire more and more of the resources of the earth.

                Everyone on the lower decks aspires to get up to the next deck and hungers to get to the very top. That’s the way it is. That’s the way it has always been. That’s the way it will always be. However, there are a few people who realize that something very strange is happening. What they come to know is that the ship is sinking. At first, like everyone else, they can’t believe it. The ship has been afloat since time before time. It is the best of the best. That it could sink is unthinkable. Nonetheless, they are sure the ship is sinking.

                They try to warn the people, but no one believes them. The ship cannot be sinking, and anyone who thinks so must be mentally ill. When they persist in trying to warn the people of what they are facing, those in charge of the ship silence them and lock them up. The ship’s media keeps grinding out news stories describing how wonderful the future will be. Any problems that are occurring will surely be solved with the wonders of our civilized, technological lifestyle.

                The leaders of the ship smile, wave, and promise prosperity for all. But water is beginning to seep in from below. The higher the water rises, the more frightened the people become and the more frantically they scramble to get to the upper decks. Some believe it is the end and actually welcome the prospect of the destruction of life as we know it. They believe it is the fulfillment of religious prophesy. Others become increasingly irritable, angry, and depressed. Like caged rats they bite their own tails and those of their cage mates who appear to be a threat.

                But as the water rises, those who have been issuing the warnings can no longer be silenced. More people escape confinement and lead others toward the lifeboats. Though there are enough boats for all, many people are reluctant to leave the ship. Many questions are asked. “The old stories tell us that we’ve been on this ship for more than six thousand years, isn’t it safer to stay aboard? Could things really be so bad that we must leave? Where will we go? Who will lead us? What if this is all there is?”

                Nevertheless, the Ship is sinking. Many people go over the side and are lowered down to the boats. As they descend, they are puzzled to see lettering on the side of the ship: T-I-T-A-N-I-C. When they reach the lifeboats, many are frightened and look for someone who looks like they know what to do. They’d like to ride with those people.

                However, they find that each person must get into their own boat and row away from the ship in their own direction. If they don’t get away from the ship as soon as possible, they will be pulled down with it. When everyone who wants to leave, each in their own boats, rowing in their own direction, reaches their own place in the ocean, they begin to create a new, partnership, web. It will be the basis for a new way of life that will replace the life that was lived on the old ship of civilization.“

Here’s What I’ve Learned That Has Helped Me Survive and Thrive

                1. “Civilization” is a misnomer. Its proper name is the “Dominator Model.” 

                In her international best-selling book, The Chalice & The Blad: Our History. Our Future, originally published in 1987, historian Riane Eisler said,

                “Underlying the great surface diversity of human culture are two basic models of society. The first I call the dominator model, what is popularly termed either patriarchy or matriarchy — the ranking of one half of humanity over the other. The second, in which social relations are primarily based on the principle of linking may best be described as the partnership model.”

                You can view my podcast with Riane and her team at the Center for Partnership Systems here.

                2. There is a better world beyond civilization.

                In 1992, I was given the book Ishmael, by Daniel Quinn. I got a clear sense of the two worlds that are competing for our attention: A world where hierarchy and dominance rule (Quinn calls it the world of the Takers) and a world where equality and connection rule (Quinn calls it the world of the Leavers. In his book, Beyond Civilization: Humanity’s Next Great Adventure, Quinn says,

                “Beyond civilization isn’t a geographical space up in the mountains or on some remote isle. It’s a cultural space that opens up among people with new minds.”

                This is not a time to give up. It is time to reach out!

                3. Do not lose heart. We were made for these times.

                Clarissa Pinkola Estes, author of Women Who Run with the Wolves, wrote this inspiring letter to all of us who are concerned about the future. She said in part:

                “My friends, do not lose heart. We were made for these times. I have heard from so many recently who are deeply and properly bewildered. They are concerned about the state of affairs in our world now. Ours is a time of almost daily astonishment and often righteous rage over the latest degradations of what matters most to civilized, visionary people.

                “I grew up on the Great Lakes and recognize a seaworthy vessel when I see one. Regarding awakened souls, there have never been more able vessels in the waters than there are right now across the world. And they are fully provisioned and able to signal one another as never before in the history of humankind.

                “Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach.”

                4. Rethink our relationship with planet Earth.

                According to world-renowned author and social scientist, Jeremy Rifkin,

                “We have long believed that we live on a land planet, when in reality we live on a water planet, and now the Earth’s hydrosphere is taking us into a mass extinction as it searches for a new normal.”

                In his important and timely book, Planet Aqua: Rethinking Our Home in the Universe, Rifkin says that we must give up our belief that it is our duty to dominate and control nature and reconnect as partners in all life on Earth. He says,

                “We must rethink the waters as a ‘life source’ rather than another ‘resource’ to exploit and learn to adapt to the hydrosphere rather than trying to get the hydrosphere to adapt to us.”

                5. Find your tribe outside the confines of civilization.

                The rulers of civilization would have us believe that even if the Ship is sinking, we might as well go down with it because there really are no better choices. That is the big lie of civilization. As my vision showed me, there are millions of alternatives and more and more lifeboats in the water every day, but you won’t learn about them in the corporate-controlled media. You can learn more here.

                6. Claim your path of service.

                We must act now, or we will be swept away by the currents of change. In her book, Who Do We Choose to Be? Facing Reality, Claiming Leadership, Restoring Sanity, my longtime colleague and friend, Margaret J. Wheatley says,

                “My aspiration is for you to see clearly so that you may act wisely. If we don’t know where we are, if we don’t know what to prepare for, then any path we choose will keep us wandering in the wilderness, increasingly desperate, increasingly lost.”

                Margaret sent me a recent email:

                “I am grateful to announce a new, self-paced course available starting October 5, 2025, Claiming Your Path of Service: Choosing to Serve This Age of Collapse and Possibility, developed with the extraordinary platform Advaya.life.”

                If you would like to learn more about my own work, I invite you to join me at MenAlive.com

The post How You Can Survive and Thrive as the Ship of Civilization Sinks appeared first on MenAlive.

                For too long we have failed to pay attention to problems faced by boys and men. In his ground-breaking book, Of Boys and Men: Why The Modern Male is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do About It, Richard V. Reeves says,

              “I have been worried about boys and men for 25 years. That comes with the territory when you raise three boys. It has become clear to me that there are growing numbers of boys and men who are struggling in school, at work, and in the family. I used to fret about three boys and young men. Now I am worried about millions.”

                The good news is that things are changing rapidly. When I launched MenAlive in 1972, there were few programs focused on the health of boys and men. Now there are many. Reeves’ book was published in 2022. He went on to become the founding Director of the Institute for Boys and Men and has influenced the work of NYU professor Scott Galloway. Lately, we are seeing more and more attention focused on males.

                However, for those who have been studying the wellbeing of boys and men for many years, there are also serious new problems we must address. Founded by Gary Barker in 2011 as Promundo US, Equimundo works to achieve gender equality and social justice by transforming intergenerational patterns of harm and promoting patterns of care, empathy, and accountability among boys and men throughout their lives.

                Equimundo recently published their latest study, “The State of American Men 2025″. I recently interviewed Gary Barker and you can watch the full interview here.

                Some of the important findings of the study that Gary and I discussed include the following:

• Economic anxiety is at the forefront of men’s worries.

              Anxiety around not being able to financially secure their and their families’ future is linked to lack of purpose, higher suicidal ideation, and feelings of being an inadequate caregiver.

• Being a provider is the key trait of manhood today.

               Even though men and women recognize the importance of expanding their roles to include caregiving and other activities, the provider role is still seen as primary. Men who are unable to fulfill that role often feel they are failures.  

• Men are isolated, feel no one cares about them, and are pessimistic about their romantic prospects.

              Men and women lack social connection and feel unworthy of love; for men this is especially acute. Many males feel inadequate with females and believe that things are stacked against them. Difficulty making and keeping intimate relationships impacts all aspects of a man’s life.

• Pressure to be a provider and economic anxiety are exacerbated by male involvement on social media.

              Spending more time online often perpetuates males comparing themselves to perceived ideals. Young men (and women) find that social media adds to their feelings of inadequacy.

• Many men fear being called out or canceled.

              Men face tremendous anxiety that they will be called out, which is likely fueling their backlash against diversity and equality.

• Economic worries are strongly linked to suicidal ideation.

Men who face financial instability are 16.3 times as likely to have had suicidal thoughts in in the past two weeks.

Up Close and Personal: These Findings Cut Very Close to Home

                When I was five years old, my midlife father took an overdose of sleeping pills. He had become increasingly irritable, angry, and depressed because he couldn’t support his family doing the work that he loved. Though he didn’t die, he was hospitalized at Camarillo State Mental Hospital, north of our home in Los Angeles.

              I went with my uncle every Sunday to visit my father, charged by my mother, to

              “Help your father. He needs you.”

              But my own 5-year-old’s efforts to save my father didn’t work and he continued to get worse.

              I didn’t understand what happened to my dad but was terrified that whatever happened to him would someday happen to me. I have spent my life doing everything I could to figure out the roots of male violence, particularly why it gets turned inward, for men who want to end their suffering by ending their lives.

              After having written fourteen books about men’s health, I finally addressed the issues that had driven me for so long. In my fifteenth book, My Distant Dad: Healing the Family Father Wound, I shared the journals I found as an adult that began to pull back the curtain of confusion I had lived with all my life.

              Years after my father had escaped from the mental hospital where he had been locked up, I found the journals he had written before his final act of despair. Every time I read them, I feel closer to my dad, two men, father and son, struggling to be good men and support their families. I also feel deep sadness as I watch him slipping closer to the edge of hopelessness. In his last journal, I found these entries:

              July 3, 1948:

              “Oh, Christ, if I can only give my son a decent education — a college degree with a love for books, a love for people, good, solid knowledge. No guidance was given to me. I slogged and slobbered and blundered through two-thirds of my life.”

              July 24, 1948:

              “Edie dear, Johnny dear, [my birth name before I changed it to Jed] I love you so much, but how do I get the bread to support you? The seed of despair is part of my heritage. It lies sterile for months and then it gnaws until its bitter fruit chokes my throat and swells in me like a large goiter blacking out room for hopes, dreams, joy, and life itself.”

              August 8, 1948:

              “Sunday morning, my humanness has fled, my sense of comedy has gone down the drain. I’m tired, hopelessly tired, surrounded by an immense brick wall, a blood-spattered brick world, splattered with my blood, with the blood of my head where I senselessly banged to find an opening, to find one loose brick, so I could feel the cool breeze and could stick out my hand and pluck a handful of wheat, but this brick wall is impregnable, not an ounce of mortar loosens, not a brick gives.”

              December 8, 1948:

              “Your flesh crawls, your scalp wrinkles when you look around and see good writers, established writers, writers with credits a block long, unable to sell, unable to find work, Yes, it’s enough to make anyone blanch, turn pale, and sicken.”

              February 24, 1949:

              “Faster, faster, faster, I walk. I plug away looking for work, anything to support my family. I try, try, try, try, try. I always try and never stop.”

              June 12, 1949:

              “Middle aged, I stand and gaze ahead, numb, confused, and desperately worried. All around me I see the young in spirit, the young in heart, with ten times my confidence, twice my youth, ten times my fervor, twice my education. I see them all, a whole army of them, battering at the same doors I’m battering, trying in the same field I’m trying. Yes, on a Sunday morning in June, my hope and my life stream are both running desperately low, so low, so stagnant, that I hold my breath in fear, believing that the dark, blank curtain is about to descend.”

              Like so many men I’ve worked with, including myself, men tend to blame themselves when we are unable to fulfill our role as “breadwinner.” We don’t recognize the larger economic trends that restrict us or the system-created “man box” that keeps so many of us isolated.

              Much has changed since my father was hospitalized. Many things have improved, but there are new challenges men face now that were not present when my father was confronting his inner demons. I carry both his hopes and dreams and the weight of his despair. I am blessed to have fulfilled his dreams for a good education and the support of family, friends, and colleagues. Yet there is much still to do. I hope you’ll join us.

              You can read the full study from Equimundo here:

              https://www.equimundo.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/State-of-American-Men-2025.pdf

              You can read my interview with Gary Barker here:

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBvk5GY3XbI

              You can sign up for my weekly newsletter with my latest articles here:

              https://menalive.com/email-newsletter/

              You can read about my father’s and my healing journey here:

              https://diamondprograms.podia.com/healing-father-wound

The post The State of American Males in 2025: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly appeared first on MenAlive.

                I first learned about Project Heaven on Earth when a colleague wrote to me about a friend who was interested in meeting me, but who had not gotten any response to his previous emails. I hadn’t received the emails, so asked him to write again, which he did.

                After reading about Project Heaven on Earth and its founder Martin Rutte, we met for a brief chat, and it became very clear that Martin was a kindred spirit, and our meeting would be the beginning of a long-term collaboration. I knew I wanted to do an interview with Martin for my podcast, and I ordered his book, Project Heaven on Earth: The 3 simple questions that will help you change the world…easily.

                It was a wonderfully informative interview that you can watch here.

                I will admit that I was a bit put off by the book title. Heaven on Earth seemed a bit Airy-Fairy and religious. I’m also put off by programs that promise simple solutions to the world’s problems. “Three simple questions that will help you change the world…easily”?  Give me a break.

                I felt a little better when I saw that the book’s Foreword was written by Jack Canfield, a long-time colleague who created the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, which has more than 250 titles and 500 million copies in print. I soon learned that Martin has had a very successful business career both in the U.S. and Canada.

                He has worked with such organizations as The World Bank, Sony Pictures Entertainment, Southern California Edison, Virgin Records, Apple Computer, Esso Petroleum, and London Life Insurance helping them expand their outlook and position themselves for the future. He is also the co-author of The New York Times Business Bestseller, Chicken Soup for the Soul at Work, with sales of over 1.1 million copies and translations into 15 languages.

                In his book, Project Heaven on Earth, Martin offers a clear and honest look at the challenges we face:

                “Humanity is at a crossroads. I’m deeply concerned about the state of our world and pained about the direction we’ve been taking. The sufferings of the world seem overwhelming, they continue and continue — war, hunger, poverty, the threat of global financial collapse. Resignation is being stockpiled. Hope is in short supply. Optimism is hiding in a cave.”

                Martin goes on to say,

                “I believe what’s needed to move us forward at this point in our evolution is the birthing of a new possibility for our world — a new story of what it means to be human (an individual) and what it means to be Humanity (the human condition). I capitalize ‘Humanity’ because I want us to start thinking about experiencing us as one family with extraordinary potential.”

                Here’s how Martin describes Project Heaven on Earth:

                “Project Heaven on Earth as a Noun: This Project is a thing you do, something you put your energy into. It’s a vehicle for the alignment of Humanity.

                “Project Heaven on Earth as a Verb: You project yourself, your Being, your intention, into the world to build the world of your dreams and yearnings.”

                He concludes:

                “The intention of Project Heaven on Earth is to collectively change Humanity’s current story from one that doesn’t work for a great number of people (hunger, war, poverty, etc.) to one that works for you, me, and everyone.”

Addressing the Three Questions of Project Heaven on Earth

                Martin invites us to address the following three questions:

                Question 1: Recall a time when you experienced Heaven on Earth. What was happening? Describe what happened, how it felt, how you perceived the world. What was your experience of yourself, of others, of life?

                Question 2: Imagine you have a magic wand and with it you can create Heaven on Earth. What is Heaven on Earth for you? Take as much time as you need with this. Open your heart. Let your mind go. Marinate in what Heaven on Earth is for you. What would be present, what would disappear and no longer exist, and what would newly appear?

                Question 3: What simple, easy, concrete step (s) will you take in the next 24 hours to make Heaven on Earth real? By making the step simple, by making it one you know you can do and by doing it within 24 hours, you’ve actually begun creating Heaven on Earth. Take a baby step. It’s as simple as that.

                Here are my answers to the three questions Martin invited me to address:

Question 1: Recall a time when you experienced Heaven on Earth. What was happening?

                Heaven on Earth began for me when I fell in love with a young woman in 1965. I was a twenty-one-year-old senior, and she was a seventeen-year-old freshman at the beautiful, newly created campus, at U.C. Santa Barbara. My beloved and I talked about children and agreed we wanted to have a child and, given that the world already had children who needed a home with loving parents, we wanted to adopt a child.

                Fast forward to Kaiser Hospital in Vallejo. Following graduation, we married, my wife became pregnant, and I was coaching my wife through the relaxation and breathing techniques we had learned in the Lamaze child-birthing classes. After many hours of labor, we were told it was time for my wife to move into the delivery room. I still remember the words of the nurse.

                “OK, Mr. Diamond, your work is done now. You can go to the waiting-room, and we’ll let you know when your child arrives.”

                I was sorry to have to leave at this point, but we had been told the rules. Fathers were not allowed in the delivery room. I kissed my wife, wished her and the baby well, and told her I would see her soon. She was wheeled in one direction, and I went the other way.

                But as I was going through the waiting-room doors, something stopped me. I felt the call of my unborn child telling me:

                “I don’t want a waiting-room father. Your place is here with us.”

                I immediately turned around and made my way to the delivery room. I came in and took my place at the head of the table as my wife began the final stages to bring our child into the world.

                There was no question about my leaving. I knew where I belonged. No hospital rules were going to keep me away. It didn’t take long for the final push and our son, Jemal, was born amid tears of joy and relief. Holding him for the first time I made a vow that I would be a different kind of father than my father was able to be for me and to do everything I could to help create a world where fathers were fully engaged with their families throughout their lives. Two-and-a-half years later, we adopted a two-month-old, African American baby girl, who we named Angela.

                For me this Heaven on Earth experience began with the magic of falling in love, which opened our hearts to wanting to share that love with a child we birthed and with a child who needed a loving family. It culminated with the spirit of our soon-to-be born son calling me to break the rules in the service of love and connection and our reaching outside our comfort zone to find and adopt our beautiful daughter.  

Question 2: Imagine you have a magic wand and with it you can create Heaven on Earth. What is Heaven on Earth for you?

                For me, Heaven on Earth is a world of fathers who are fully healed and lovingly connected with themselves, their families, the community of life on planet Earth.  

                In my book, The Warrior’s Journey Home: Healing Men Healing the Planet I quoted my friend and colleague Sam Keen, author of Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man,

                “The radical vision of the future rests on the belief that the logic that determines either our survival or our destruction is simple:

1. The new human vocation is to heal the earth.
2. We can only heal what we love.
3. We can only love what we know.
4. We can only know what we touch.”

                Heaven on Earth is the end of war as we’ve known it and a new kind of warriorship. In The Warrior’s Journey Home, I quoted Buddhist meditation master Chögyam Trungpa.

                “Warriorship here does not refer to making war on others. Aggression is the source of our problems, not the solution. Here the word ‘warrior’ is taken from the Tibetan pawo which literally means ‘one who is brave.’ Warriorship in this context is the tradition of human bravery, or the tradition of fearlessness.” Trungpa concludes, saying, “Warriorship is not being afraid of who you are.”

Question 3: What simple, easy, concrete step (s) will you take in the next 24 hours to make Heaven on Earth real?

                I will share the answers to these three questions with Martin Rutte and continue exploring ways to collaborate to bring Heaven on Earth for all.  

                You can connect with Martin Rutte and his work here: https://projectheavenonearth.com/

                You can watch my interview with Martin here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4Krt5t4aYM

                You can receive my free weekly newsletter and read my latest articles here: https://menalive.com/email-newsletter/

The post My Project Heaven on Earth Began When I Fell in Love appeared first on MenAlive.

                I have been a marriage counselor for more than fifty years. When I finished graduate school in 1968, I had great hopes of helping couples fulfill their vows to “live happily ever after.” I married my college sweetheart in 1966, and we looked forward to having children and growing old together. It didn’t turn out that way. We successfully managed the “growing old” part, but our marriage didn’t survive. If you visit my website, you can watch my introductory welcome video, “Confessions of a Twice-Divorced Marriage Counselor.”

                It is not that counselors are holding back on sharing the good news about how to have successful, long-term, relationships. It is because we know the theory of how to “live happily ever after,” we just haven’t been successful in practicing what we preach.

                Most people know that the chances of having a long and happy marriage are not good. The statistics tell a disheartening story.

                “Since 1955 the divorce rate in American has been hovering around fifty percent.”

                These are the first words of an incredibly powerful and hopeful documentary by Emmy-nominated duo, Chris Brickler and Michael Romero. The film explores the lives and livelihood of Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, two of the most prominent pioneers in the world of relationship communications for the past 40 years.

                I first met Harville and Helen in 1988 shortly after the publication of their best-selling book, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. We have been friends and colleagues ever since. Like my wife, Carlin and I, Harville and Helen had both been divorced before they met and married. What I learned from reading their book (and reinforced by reading all their other books), has enabled Carlin and I to have a long and joyful marriage. We’re still going strong after forty-five years together and continue to practice the simple, let profound skills, that Harville and Helen have developed.

                I have interviewed Helen and Harville numerous times in the past. I recently had the good fortune to interview Harville alone when Helen was unable to join us because she was called unexpectedly to speak at another event. Harville and I had the opportunity to discuss more deeply some the things men can do to live happily ever after.

                In addition to working with couples, my work in the field of Gender-Specific Medicine and Men’s Health, focuses a lot on helping men. Our colleagues John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman had an interesting thing to say about men:

                “What men do in relationships is, by a large margin, the crucial factor that separates a great relationship from a failed one. This does not mean that a woman doesn’t need to do her part, but the data proves that a man’s actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship succeeds or fails, which is ironic, since most relationship books are for women. That’s kind of like doing open-heart surgery on the wrong patient.”

                So, what is the simple secret for divorce-proofing your marriage? The secret is having safe conversations. As Helen and Harville remind us, the most dangerous things humans do with each other is talk. They explain in their wonderful book, Making Marriage Simple,

                “We need to create safe spaces to talk with each other. By safety, we mean two people living in relationship with neither feeling hurt, criticized, or put down by the other. When your partner doesn’t feel safe, they put up their defenses. Healing happens only in safe environments.”

                This is easier said than done.

The Heart of Dialogue: The New Film That Can Change the World For Good

                I was excited when I recently received an email from Harville and Helen: “Today is the global premiere for the “The Heart of Dialogue,” a new 70-minute documentary of Harville and Helen’s storied life. I love books. I’ve written seventeen of my own and I recommend all the books that Harville and Helen have written. But there’s nothing like being with them in person. Watch the film and you will find yourself being up-close and personal with Helen and Harville and the participants in one of their workshops.

                But that’s not all, you will be introduced to a new technology that will allow you, and millions of others, to interact with Helen and Harville now and in the future. Though I’ve known Helen and Harville for years, I had not heard of Chris Brickler and Michael Romero. I’d like to introduce them to you now. Their work is exciting and lifechanging.

                Chris is an Emmy-nominated producer and director of documentaries, dramatic shorts, and music and commercial videos. He is currently Founder & CEO of Mynd Immersive, a technology startup that provides immersive experiences for seniors to improve cognitive function & quality of life. For most of his professional career, Chris has been a leader in bringing groundbreaking new technologies to market. His latest endeavor is called Eternalize, an AI-lab that creates, preserves and powers the interactive digital twins of cherished loved ones and public personalities for future generations.

                Michael is also an Emmy-nominated producer and director of documentaries. He has spent his career in business development. He has built some of the largest brands in consumer goods, medical devices, and technology industries. Michael is also part of the Externalize team.

                The gifts that Harville and Helen have given to millions of couples all over the world would make them my heroes forever. But they didn’t stop after helping us save our marriages. They recognized that what worked for our most intimate relationships could work for all our relationships — with those we love and those we distrust and fear.

                In their book, How to Talk with Anyone About Anything: The Practice of Safe Conversations, they say,

                “Pandemics, warfare, natural disasters, and political upheaval have driven us apart, isolated us, and sent us fleeing for shelter. Far too often these days, you may find yourself feeling stressed out, burned out, and checked out.”

                I have certainly felt that way many times and have felt despair about the future of humanity. One of the greatest dangers I see is that consciously or unconsciously more and more people believe that humanity is doomed. But Helen and Harville’s Safe Conversations can not only save our marriages, but could even help create a safer world now and forever.

                “Clearly, we need a way to restore safety and civility to our daily interactions so we can talk to one another without triggering arguments or violence. Our method for doing this is to replace one-way monologue conversations with two-way dialogues that put you on a path to safer and more productive interactions and relationships.”

                We can each take a step in the direction of the future we all want and help, in the words of my colleague Charles Eisenstein, to create “the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible.” If you choose, you can begin now.

                You can watch the film here.

                You can learn more about Harville and Helen here.

                You can learn more about having safe conversations here.

                You can learn more about me and my work here.

                If you would like to read more articles like these, I invite you to subscribe to my free weekly newsletter here.

The post How to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage: The Simple Secret Your Marriage Counselor Won’t Tell You appeared first on MenAlive.

                For more than fifty years I have enjoyed a successful career in the emerging field of Genders-Special Medicine and Men’s Health. In a recent article, “Men’s Work: Why I Do What I Do,” I responded to a request by a colleague to answer these two questions:

1. Why Do What You Do?
2. What Do You Receive?

                Like many colleagues I know in the “helping professions,” I developed an early interest in helping others when a family crisis turned my world upside down. When I was five years old my mid-life father took an overdose of sleeping pills after he had become increasingly depressed when he couldn’t find work to support his family. Though he didn’t die, our lives were never the same.

                My father was committed to Camarillo State Mental Hospital, north of our home in Los Angeles. My uncle Harry visited my father every Sunday and I was charged by my mother to go with him. I was confused and scared and asked my mother why I had to go. She told me:

                “Because your father needs you.”

                She also thanked me for being her “Good Little Man,” a role that caused a great deal of stress, confusion, and unachievable demands I have made towards myself over the years.

                I grew up wondering what happened to my father, when it would happen to me and what I could do to keep it from happening to other men and their families. My own healing journey and what I’ve learned is reflected in my most popular books and on-line courses:

• The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression.

• Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places: Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addictions.

• My Distant Dad: Healing the Family Father Wound.

• “Heal The Irritable Male Syndrome.”

• “Navigating The 5 Stages of Love.”

• “Healing the Family Father Wound.”

                As a child thrust in the role of caregiver long before I was capable of helping anyone, I learned to sacrifice my own needs to care for others. The old adage: “It is better to give than receive,” seemed the most natural thing in the world. It has taken years of therapy, self-reflection, and support to learn that I had to give to myself before I really had anything I could give to others.

                This truth came home to me when my wife and I were raising our two young children. As every parent knows, little ones require a huge amount of time, attention, love, and care. But if we don’t take care of ourselves we can easily become overwhelmed and burned out. I was forced into self-care when my doctor told me my stressful job would kill me if I didn’t get some regular exercise.

                My wife told me our marriage wouldn’t survive if we didn’t have more time for each other away from the kids. She insisted on a Wednesday, date-night, that soon became sacrosanct. Over the years I have continued to find ways to give to others without short-changing myself.

Give First: The Power of Mentorship

                In recent years I have been approached by experts in the field who had books or programs coming out and asked for my support in promoting their work. I turn down most requests as not being aligned with my expertise or where I don’t feel my help would significantly contribute to the field of men’s health.

                I see part of my role as an elder in the field to offer support and mentorship to others. For those I felt were doing significantly good work in the field of Gender-Specific Medicine and Men’s Health and where I felt I had something significant to offer, we set up a time to talk. Here are a few of the people I felt would be helpful to do an on-line interview, write an article, and share it with my large community:

• Healing Ourselves, Healing Our World: Brenda Snow Healthcare Maven Extraordinaire.

• The Compassionate Warrior: The Power of Mature Masculine Psychology.

• Revolutionizing Male Birth Control: Dr. Darlene Walley Offers Plan A for Men.

                I don’t charge for the time I spend interviewing them, writing articles, and sharing them with my communities. I have been helped by others in the past and I enjoy helping where I can. But this isn’t just “Giving.” I always get something back. It may be from the person who I helped. It may be from someone else. The old saying “What goes around, comes around,” seems appropriate.

                I recently came across a book, Give First: The Power of Mentorship by Brad Feld. Feld has been an early-stage entrepreneur and investor since 1987. He co-founded two venture capital firms and multiple companies including Techstars. His view of giving helped me make sense of what I had been doing for some time. He says:

                “One of my deeply held beliefs to the secret success in life is to give before you get. In this approach, I am always willing to try to be helpful to someone without having a clear expectation of what is in it for me. If, over time, the relationship is one way (e.g., I’m giving, but getting nothing), I’ll often back off on my level of give because this belief doesn’t underlie a fundamentally altruistic approach.

                “However, by investing time and energy up front without a specifically defined outcome, I have found that, over time, the rewards that come back to me exceed my wildest expectations.”

                That was certainly true for me and I believe it is true for most colleagues I know who are successful in their careers and in their lives. Based on his work at Techstars (Techstars is a global startup accelerator and venture capital firm founded in 2006 and headquartered in New York City.) Brad Feld and his partner David Cohen developed “The Techstars Mentor Manifesto” with 18 practices that Feld elaborates in the book. Here are some of the points that particularly resonate with me and my work:

• Be authentic — practice what you preach.
• Be direct. Tell the truth, however hard.
• Listen. (With your heart as well as your head).
• Clearly commit to mentor or do not. Either is fine.
• The best mentor relationships eventually become two-way.
• Know what you don’t know. Say “I don’t know” when you don’t know. “I don’t know” is preferable to bravado.
• Be optimistic.
• Provide specific actionable advice; don’t be vague.
• Be challenging/robust but never destructive.
• Have empathy. Remember that startups are hard.

                Although Feld’s book, Give First, was written from his experience as an entrepreneur developing startup communities, I believe there is a lot of wisdom here for parents, therapists, business leaders, artists, writers, and healers. For example, you can read an article I wrote about giving love, “The 5 Stages of Love and the Go-Giver Marriage,” and an interview I did with best-selling author John David Mann.

                For more articles like these, please visit me at  https://menalive.com/

The post Give First: How to Help Others Without Short-Changing Yourself appeared first on MenAlive.

                For more than fifty years I have been helping men and their families to live fully healthy lives. Over the years I have developed expertise in the emerging field of gender-specific healing. I call what I do, simply: “Men’s Work.”  A colleague of mine is writing a book, A Call to Wise Elders: Leaving a Legacy of Goodness for Future Generations. He asked me to contribute and address two questions:

                 1. “Why do what you do?”  Give a voice to the impetus that moved you to work to make those around you safer, more comfortable, more fulfilled, and /or make the world a better place for ensuing generations.

                2. “What do you receive?” Describe the way you personally feel rewarded, (emotionally, psychologically, spiritually) by the process of giving your knowledge, resources, time and energy in service to a purpose larger than yourself.

                Here’s how I addressed these questions.

                “Why do what you do?”  This is the answer that is most alive for me as I write today.

                It has been said that the two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you found out why. The first important day is straightforward and specific. I was born December 21, 1943 in New York City. The day I found out why was November 21, 1969 at Kaiser hospital in Vallejo, California.

                The second important day requires a bit more historical context. When I met and fell in love with my first wife, we were college students at U.C. Santa Barbara. As young couples do, we talked about our future and desires for children. We agreed that once we were married, we wanted two children. We hoped the first child would come naturally, but decided we wanted to adopt our second child so that a child in need would have a good home.

                Now back to Kaiser hospital in 1969. After coaching my wife with the relaxation and breathing techniques we had learned in the Lamaze child-birthing classes, we were told it was time for my wife to move into the delivery room.  I still remember the words of the nurse.

                “OK, Mr. Diamond, your work is done now. You can go to the waiting-room and we’ll let you know when your child arrives.”

                I was sorry to have to leave at this point, but we had been told the rules. Fathers were not allowed in the delivery room. I kissed my wife, wished her and the baby well, and told her I would see her soon. She was wheeled in one direction, and I went the other way.

                But as I was going through the waiting-room doors, something stopped me. I felt the call of my unborn child telling me:

                “I don’t want a waiting-room father. Your place is here with us.”

                I immediately turned around and made my way to the delivery room. I came in and took my place at the head of the table as my wife began the final stages to bring our child into the world.

                There was no question about my leaving. I knew where I belonged. No hospital rules were going to keep me away. It didn’t take long for the final push and our son, Jemal, came into the world amid tears of joy and relief. Holding him for the first time I made a vow that I would be a different kind of father than my father was able to be for me and to do everything I could to help create a world where fathers were fully engaged with their families throughout their lives. Two-and-a-half years later, we adopted a two-month-old, African-American baby girl, who we named Angela.

                For fifty-six years now I have worked in the emerging field of Gender-Specific Medicine and men’s health. According to my colleague Marianne J. Legato, M.D, the founder of the professional field of practice and author of Eve’s Rib: The New Science of Gender-Specific Medicine and How It Can Save Your Life,

                “Until now, we’ve acted as though men and women were essentially identical except for the differences in their reproductive function. In fact, information we’ve been gathering over the past ten years tells us that this is anything but true, and that everywhere we look, the two sexes are startingly and unexpectedly different not only in their normal function but in the ways they experience illness.”

                Dr. Legato acknowledges that most of the focus in the field has been on women. She has applauded my work with men and how it deepens and expands her work with sex and gender issues.  

                I have written seventeen books, including My Distant Dad: Healing the Family Father Wound. The book recounts my father’s healing journey from the time he took an overdose of sleeping pills when I was five years old and was committed to Camarillo State Mental Hospital to his escape after his “treatments” made him worse.

                It took many years and a lot of help and support for him to recover. I also lived with his legacy as I dealt with my own depression and recovery over the years. I share what I’ve learned in a number of on-line courses: “Healing the Family Father Wound,” and “Navigating the 5 Stages of Love.”

                My present wife, Carlin, and I now have six grown children, seventeen grandchildren, and four great grandchildren. Our work in the world continues as we move into our eighties and explore our contributions as elders.

                “What do you receive?” The answer to this question would require more books than I have already written. But the simple answer is that by engaging this work, I am able to fulfill my life’s destiny, fulfill the promise I made to my family, and to offer guidance and mentorship for the those who resonate with me and this vital healing work the world needs now more than ever.

                Following the publication of my fifteenth book, I thought my time writing books was complete. It seemed that fifteen books was a good body of work to complete my writing career. My wife, Carlin, surprised me when she said,

                “You need to write at least one more book. There is so much separation and conflict between men and women these days (that was during the height of the #MeToo movement and many men in positions of prominence and power were being accused of sexual misconduct), you need to write a book about what is good about men.”

                I was surprised at her insistence since she had always been supportive of my writing but had never told me I should write another book. Books require a lot of research and time alone to think and create. They take time away from family. I also wanted to do more teaching, training, and mentoring and less time doing counseling and writing books.

                After deep reflection I agreed that I had some interest and energy for book writing and began work on my 16^th book, 12 Rules for Good Men and later my 17^th book, Long Live Men! The Moonshot Mission to Heal Men, Close the Lifespan Gap, and Offer Hope to Humanity. I do love to write and I feel it’s a gift that I want to continue offering.

                The gift of these elder years is to engage with my children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren, and the generations that will follow me. I believe that men are both the canaries in the coalmine warning us about the dangers we face as humanity continues to be out of balance with the natural world. Healing men is also the hope for the future. I’ve also learned that when we heal men, we also heal women, children, and our communities.

                I very much resonate with the words of historian Thomas Berry who offered this warning and call to action.

                “We never knew enough. Nor were we sufficiently intimate with all our cousins in the great family of the earth. Nor could we listen to the various creatures of the earth, each telling its own story. The time has now come, however, when we will listen or we will die.”

                The greatest gift any of us can ask for is to have the courage to step up at the most challenging times in which we live and support those who are creating, in the words of my colleague Charles Eisenstein,

                “The more beautiful world our hearts know is possible.”

                I look forward to connecting more deeply.

                Jed Diamond, PhD, LCSW, Founder/VHS (Visionary, Healer, Scholar in residence) MenAlive.com

The post Men’s Work: Why I Do What I Do appeared first on MenAlive.

                I have been working in the men’s health field since 1969. My work expanded greatly in 1997 following the publication of my fourth book, Male Menopause, which soon became an international best-seller translated into seventeen foreign languages. In the book I defined the male “change of life” this way:

                “Male menopause (also called andropause or manopause) begins with hormonal, physiological, and chemical changes that occur in all men generally between the ages of forty and fifty-five, though it can occur as early as thirty-five or as late as sixty-five. These changes affect all aspects of a man’s life. Male menopause is, thus, a physical condition with psychological, interpersonal, social, and spiritual dimensions.”

                I went on to say,

                “The purpose of male menopause is to signal the end of the first part of a man’s life and prepare him for the second half. Male menopause is not the beginning of the end, as many fear, but the end of the beginning. It is the passage to the most passionate, powerful, productive, and purposeful time of a man’s life.”

                I listed the following symptoms I had seen over the years with clients I treated. The most common physical symptoms include:

• Less endurance for physical activity
• Taking longer to recover from injuries and illness
• Weight gain
• Loss of skin tone

                Common psychological symptoms include:

• Irritability
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Loss of purpose and direction in life

                Common sexual symptoms include:

• Loss of erections
• Low libido and interest in sex
• Increased anxiety and fear about sexual changes
• Increased fantasies about having sex outside of primary relationship

                I discussed the impact of hormonal changes for men going through this life passage.

                “Lowered levels of hormones at midlife are central to the changes associated with male menopause. Although hormones tend to decrease with age, each man is unique and individual levels vary widely. In one study, for instance, the average level of testosterone for men in their fifties was 600 ng/ mL. However, individual levels ranged from 200 ng/ mLl to 1,000 ng/ mL.”

                I also detailed the early experiences with testosterone replacement therapies (TRT) and some of the concerns about its use.

                “While clinicians in the U.S. debated the risks and benefits of TRT, British physicians were already beginning to use hormones to treat men who showed symptoms of testosterone deficiency.”

                Over the years, there continues to be controversy about the use of TRT in treating men. Nevertheless, testosterone continues to be prescribed widely for millions of men. I recently wrote about a new company, GameDay Men’s Health, that has been expanding rapidly with new clinics throughout the country. Says their founder, Evan Miller, PhD,

                “By focusing all of our energy on delivering premium testosterone replacement therapy, removing the stigma around erectile dysfunction services and more, we ensure our clients’ experience is relaxing, fast, and most importantly, delivers results.”

Acesis BioMed: Revolutionizing Treatment of Low T and Other Health Problems

                I recently learned about a new company, Acesis Biomed, that is taking a different approach to treating low testosterone in men. Acesis Biomed was founded by Dr. Vassilios Papadopoulos and Dr. Costas N. Karatzas.

                Dr. Papadopoulos is Dean of the University of Southern California Alfred Mann School of Pharmacy & Pharmaceutical Sciences. He holds the John Stauffer Decanal Chair in Pharmaceutical Sciences and is a professor of Pharmacology and Pharmaceutical Sciences and Medicine at USC. Before joining USC, Dr Papadopoulos served as Executive Director and Chief Scientific Officer of the Research Institute of McGill University Health Centre in Montreal, Canada.

                Dr. Karatzas is Acesis’ CEO and has over 35 years of experience in Life Sciences in the public, private and academic sectors. He attended McGill University, where he earned his Ph.D., in Molecular Biology. He has over fifty peer-reviewed publications and is an inventor with 18 patents. From 2009 to 2021 he was the Director of Business Development and Contracts Office at the Research Institute of the McGill University Health Centre, Montreal, Canada.

                I recently had an opportunity to talk with Drs. Papadopoulos and Karatzas about their company and their new approach for helping men with low T. They told me,

                “Millions of men suffer from low testosterone (T), leading to reduced quality of life. Acesis Biomed is pioneering a first-in-class, patented, oral treatment that restores the body’s natural T production — without synthetic hormones.”

                From my experience working with mid-life men and their families for more than fifty years, I believe this is a monumental breakthrough in what will be offered to men. Up until now, men who were experiencing symptoms of low testosterone were limited to taking Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT). Now, for the first time, Acesis Biomed, is offering a treatment approach that helps men restore their testosterone levels through a potentially safer and more natural approach by inducing the testes to produce testosterone.

                “Our vision is to unlock the body’s ability to restore testosterone, rather than using external steroids, setting a new approach for men’s wellbeing,” they told me.

                 They continue by stating:

                “What if a pill could help millions of men feel like themselves again — without needles, patches, gels or synthetic hormones? At Acesis, we are on a mission to transform the way low-T or deficiency is treated.“

                Dr. Karatzas stated that,

                “Our unique solution is rooted in the science, developed by Dr. Papadopoulos. His research has led to a better understanding of the pathways leading to steroid hormone synthesis, the pharmacology of steroid formation in the periphery and brain, and the identification of new molecules targeting key elements in diseases where steroids play a determining role.”

                They told me they want to be sure that when this new medication is available, it is safe and has undergone the necessary clinical trials and regulatory scrutiny.

                “Our current goal is to complete our preclinical program and transition to First-in-Man clinical trial in men with low testosterone, also known as male hypogonadism.”

                As a leader in the field of Gender-Specific Medicine and Men’s Health I am excited to continue learning more about the ground-breaking work that Drs. Papadopoulos and Karatzas are doing.

                The field of Gender-Specific Medicine is relatively new. My colleague, Marianne J. Legato, MD founded the Foundation for Gender-Specific Medicine in 1999. In her book, Eve’s Rib: The New Science of Gender-Specific Medicine and How It Can Save Your Life, she says,

                “Until now, we’ve acted as though men and women are essentially identical except for the differences in their reproductive function. In fact, information we’ve been gathering over the past ten years tells us that this is anything but true, and everywhere we look, the two sexes are startingly and unexpectedly different not only in their normal function but in the way they experience illness.”

                Dr. Legato has told me on numerous occasions that there is a great need for new approaches to helping men. In her book, Why Men Die First: How to Lengthen Your Lifespan, she says,

                “Despite the significant opportunities and advantages most societies afford men, they remain shockingly vulnerable on many levels. Researchers have largely ignored the phenomenon, with tragic consequences. Simply put, we never turned a gender-specific lens on men. We have not thought enough — if at all — about why they are uniquely prone to disability and premature death.”

                It is time that men’s health got the recognition it deserves. I will keep my readers posted on these innovations and look forward to hearing more from Dr. Vassilios Papadopoulos and Dr. Costas N. Karatzas in the future. You can learn more about Acesis BioMed and their work to transform men’s health by visiting their website here.  If you would like to subscribe to my free weekly newsletter and read articles about innovations in field, you can visit me at MenAlive.com and subscribe to the newsletter here.

The post New Cutting-Edge Health Technologies For All Men Over 40 appeared first on MenAlive.

                I first learned about the incredible work of Brenda Snow when I found her book, Diagnosed: The Essential Guide to Navigating the Patient’s Journey. Over the years I have had to deal with several health challenges in my own life including asthma, chronic pneumonia, bipolar disorder, as well as some rather exotic diseases that impacted my kidneys ( Glomerulonephritis) and adrenal glands (Pheochromocytoma). I am now a full-time caregiver to my wife, Carlin. I know I am not alone. No one gets through life without being a patient and/or a caregiver.

                Brenda Snow has pioneered patient engagement for the life science industry with her agency Snow Companies, which she founded and, until recently, lead as its CEO. Brenda’s leadership is grounded in her own experience as a patient with multiple sclerosis and her ability to share her story with millions of women and men who have had to deal with a frightening diagnosis.

                “Here’s the first thing I want you to understand,” Brenda tells us, “You are not alone.”

                I had the good fortune to interview Brenda on my podcast. You can watch the full interview here. Hearing Brenda share her story not only reminds us that we are not alone, but that we have a caring guide who understands what we are going through and can help us survive and thrive.

                “If you’ve been sucker-punched by a terrifying diagnosis,” Brenda says, “you might feel alienated from the life you used to live. You feel foreign to the person you used to be. It’s isolating, lonely, and scary.”

                After thirty years of living with a chronic illness, and twenty-five years working with thousands of people managing a chronic or terminal disease, Brenda Snow is an authority on living a full life as a patient as well as the skills and courage necessary to be a loving care-partner.

                “I’ve seen this healing Journey enough times that I recognize its stages,” Brenda explains, “Yes, there is a Patient’s Journey. Similar to the Grief Cycle, patients tend to journey through a recognizable series of experiences as they cope with their illness and process what it means for their lives.”

                She recognizes that following phases and stages:

                Phase I: Putting out the Fire

1. Pre-Diagnosis
2. Diagnosis
3. Grief
4. Anger
5. Acceptance

                Phase 2: The Rest of Your Life

1. Endurance
2. Optimize Your Relationships
3. Optimize Your Care
4. Rebuilding
5. Impact

Phase I: Putting Out the Fire

                “The first half of the Patient’s Journey is relatively linear,” Brenda says. “Phase 1 encompasses the early, acute part of your Journey: you’re dealing with your body’s most debilitating symptoms and putting out the fire. Phase 1 is brutal, but — if you can move through it — you will get beyond it.”

                Pre-Diagnosis

                “In the Pre-Diagnosis stage, something weird is happening to your body and you don’t know what,” states Brenda. “Your behavior may be characterized by a mixture of denial and frantic Googling attempts to self-diagnose.”

                Diagnosis

                “The Diagnosis stage brings both relief and sadness,” says Brenda. “Relief, because you finally have a name for what’s happening to your body. Sadness, because — what the hell — you can’t believe that this is going to be your life now.”

                Grief

                Grief comes when it starts to get real, when you realize this isn’t going to go away.

                “These are ugly, painful moments that confirm: ‘Yes. I really do have this. This is part of my life now and I can’t make it go away,’” Brenda explains.

                Anger

                Anger and grief often go together.

                “A lot of people are angry about what their disease took away from them,” says Brenda, “Their health, their job, their physical appearance, their ability to run around with their kids or make love to their partner.”

                Acceptance

                “Acceptance is hard,” affirms Brenda. “I don’t want to sound like Pollyanna here.”

                There is much we can’t control about chronic illness.

                “But one thing you can control: the glasses you put on to perceive your reality and determine the way you show up. You can choose how you see the world.”

Phase 2: The Rest of Your Life

                “Phase 2 is not linear,” Brenda explains, “because you will engage in every one of these latter stages for the rest of your life. They may occur simultaneously or in a different order.”

                Phase 1 must be engaged first.

                “You won’t have the energy you need for any of these latter stages,” says Brenda, “until you turn the corner of Acceptance.”

                Endurance

                “You will need to endure your illness on a regular basis,” Brenda states, “because just when you think you’ve got the nut cracked, you’ll realize there’s some new shit you’ve got to figure out. Of all the Patient’s Journey stages, this is the one that lasts the longest.”

                Optimize Your Relationships

                “The Patient’s Journey instigates profound changes in patients, care partners, and everyone touched by the disease,” says Brenda. “It causes relationships to evolve. Everyone must learn new roles and new ways of engaging with one another.”

                Optimize Your Care

                “You’ll need to keep tweaking, retooling, and revisiting the plan to architect your Best-Case Scenario as you move through different seasons of life and as your disease potentially changes or new treatment protocols become available,” Brenda tells us.

                Rebuilding

                “Rebuilding is all about architecting fun and normalcy back into your life,” Brenda says.  “Life is too short to be serious all the time, and that’s a truth you now know with greater sureness than you ever have before,” announces Brenda. “Surround yourself with people who ‘get it,’ who make you laugh.”

                Impact

                “And now, patients begin to ask, ‘What am I going to do with it? How am I going to give back and leave the world a better place?’ That’s when you arrive at the Impact stage of your Journey,” Brenda says. “As a patient, you’ve been freshly and brutally reminded that we’re all going to die one day. That universal truth now has personal immediacy to you.”

Women and Men as Patients and Caregivers

                Although we all are going to die some day and we all will become patients and/or caregivers at some point in our lives, women and men often face different challenges. Women are more often caregivers and men more often face life-threatening illnesses, though our greater resistance to getting professional help often keeps men in denial.

                According to Dr. Will Courtenay, author of Dying to Be Men,

                “Although traditional men are socialized to be providers for and protectors of others, they tend to be poor guardians of their own health. Men in the United States have greater socioeconomic advantages than women, but despite these advantages men — on average — are at greater of serious chronic disease, injury, and death than women.”

                As someone who has spent his professional career as a healer working with men and their families, I have experienced these gender differences over the last sixty years.

                “For nearly all 15 leading causes of death [except Alzheimer’s], men and boys have higher age-adjusted death rates than women and girls,” says Dr. Courtenay. “These 15 leading killers account for more than 80% of all deaths in the United States.” [Based on statistics gathered by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.]

                One of my goals in my life has been to help men live fully healthy lives so we don’t have to die before our time. Along the way I’ve learned to become a better caregiver to myself, my children, my parents, and my wife.

                Both my wife and I are now in our 80s. In addition to the diagnosed illnesses we’ve had, we also have to deal with the realities of being old. We’ve been married for forty-five years and have six grown children, seventeen grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren. Brenda Snow’s experience and expertise has helped us navigate our Patient Journey as well as our Caregiver Journey. Yet, we still have more life to live and more lessons to learn.

                If you’d like to know more about Brenda Snow and her work, you may do so here.

                To see the interview and discussion we had together, you may do so here.

                If you would like to read more articles about health and wellbeing, I invite you to subscribe to my free weekly newsletter here.

The post Healing Ourselves, Healing Our World: Brenda Snow Healthcare Maven Extraordinaire appeared first on MenAlive.

                I first learned about the incredible work of Brenda Snow when I found her book, Diagnosed: The Essential Guide to Navigating the Patient’s Journey. Over the years I have had to deal with several health challenges in my own life including asthma, chronic pneumonia, bipolar disorder, as well as some rather exotic diseases that impacted my kidneys (Glomerulonephritis) and adrenal glands (Pheochromocytoma). I am now a full-time caregiver to my wife, Carlin. I know I am not alone. No one gets through life without being a patient and/or a caregiver.

                Brenda Snow has pioneered patient engagement for the life science industry with her agency Snow Companies, which she leads as the founder. Brenda’s leadership is grounded in her own experience as a patient with multiple sclerosis and her ability to share her story with millions of women and men who have had to deal with a frightening diagnosis.

                “Here’s the first thing I want you to understand,” says Brenda, “You are not alone.”

                I had the good fortune to interview Brenda on my podcast. You can watch the full interview here. Hearing Brenda share her story not only reminds us that we are not alone, but that we have a caring guide who understands what we are going through and can help us survive and thrive.

                “If you’ve been sucker-punched by a terrifying diagnosis,” Brenda says, “you might feel alienated from the life you used to live. You feel foreign to the person you used to be. It’s isolating, lonely, and scary.”

                After thirty years of living with a chronic illness, and twenty-five years working with thousands of people managing a chronic or terminal disease, Brenda Snow is an authority on living a full life as a patient as well as the skills and courage necessary to be a loving care-partner.

                “I’ve seen this healing Journey enough times that I recognize its stages,” Brenda says, “Yes, there is a Patient’s Journey. Similar to the Grief Cycle, patients tend to journey through a recognizable series of experiences as they cope with their illness and process what it means for their lives.”

                She recognizes that following phases and stages:

                Phase I: Putting out the Fire

1. Pre-Diagnosis
2. Diagnosis
3. Grief
4. Anger
5. Acceptance

                Phase 2: The Rest of Your Life

1. Endurance
2. Optimize Your Relationships
3. Optimize Your Care
4. Rebuilding
5. Impact

Phase I: Putting Out the Fire

                “The first half of the Patient’s Journey is relatively linear,” Brenda says. “Phase 1 encompasses the early, acute part of your Journey: you’re dealing with your body’s most debilitating symptoms and putting out the fire. Phase 1 is brutal, but — if you can move through it — you will get beyond it.”

                Pre-Diagnosis

                “In the Pre-Diagnosis stage, something weird is happening to your body and you don’t know what,” says Brenda. “Your behavior may be characterized by a mixture of denial and frantic Googling attempts to self-diagnose.”

                Diagnosis

                “The Diagnosis stage brings both relief and sadness,” says Brenda. “Relief, because you finally have a name for what’s happening to your body. Sadness, because — what the hell — you can’t believe that this is going to be your life now.”

                Grief

                Grief comes when it starts to get real, when you realize this isn’t going to go away.

                “These are ugly, painful moments that confirm: ‘Yes. I really do have this. This is part of my life now and I can’t make it go away,’” Brenda says.

                Anger

                Anger and grief often go together.

                “A lot of people are angry about what their disease took away from them,” says Brenda, “Their health, their job, their physical appearance, their ability to run around with their kids or make love to their partner.”

                Acceptance

                “Acceptance is hard,” says Brenda. “I don’t want to sound like Pollyanna here.”

                There is much we can’t control about chronic illness.

                “But one thing you can control: the glasses you put on to perceive your reality and determine the way you show up. You can choose how you see the world.”

Phase 2: The Rest of Your Life

                “Phase 2 is not linear,” says Brenda, “because you will engage in every one of these latter stages for the rest of your life. They may occur simultaneously or in a different order.”

                Phase 1 must be engaged first.

                “You won’t have the energy you need for any of these latter stages,” says Brenda, “until you turn the corner of Acceptance.”

                Endurance

                “You will need to endure your illness on a regular basis,” says Brenda, “because just when you think you’ve got the nut cracked, you’ll realize there’s some new shit you’ve got to figure out. Of all the Patient’s Journey stages, this is the one that lasts the longest.”

                Optimize Your Relationships

                “The Patient’s Journey instigates profound changes in patients, care partners, and everyone touched by the disease,” says Brenda. “It causes relationships to evolve. Everyone must learn new roles and new ways of engaging with one another.”

                Optimize Your Care

                “You’ll need to keep tweaking, retooling, and revisiting the plan to architect your Best-Case Scenario as you move through different seasons of life and as your disease potentially changes or new treatment protocols become available,” says Brenda.

                Rebuilding

                “Rebuilding is all about architecting fun and normalcy back into your life,” Brenda explains.  “Life is too short to be serious all the time, and that’s a truth you now know with greater sureness than you ever have before,” says Brenda. “Surround yourself with people who ‘get it’, who make you laugh.”

                Impact

                “And now, patients begin to ask, ‘What am I going to do with it? How am I going to give back and leave the world a better place?’ That’s when you arrive at the Impact stage of your Journey,” Brenda says. “As a patient, you’ve been freshly and brutally reminded that we’re all going to die one day. That universal truth now has personal immediacy to you.”

Women and Men as Patients and Caregivers

                Although we all are going to die some day and we all will become patients and/or caregivers at some point in our lives, women and men often face different challenges. Women are more often caregivers and men more often face life-threatening illnesses, though our greater resistance to getting professional help often keeps men in denial.

                According to Dr. Will Courtenay, author of Dying to Be Men,

                “Although traditional men are socialized to be providers for and protectors of others, they tend to be poor guardians of their own health. Men in the United States have greater socioeconomic advantages than women, but despite these advantages men — on average — are at greater of serious chronic disease, injury, and death than women.”

                As someone who has spent his professional career as a healer working with men and their families, I have experienced these gender differences over the last sixty years.

                “For nearly all 15 leading causes of death [except Alzheimer’s], men and boys have higher age-adjusted death rates than women and girls,” says Dr. Courtenay. “These 15 leading killers account for more than 80% of all deaths in the United States.” [Based on statistics gathered by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.]

                One of my goals in my life has been to help men live fully healthy lives so we don’t have to die before our time. Along the way I’ve learned to become a better caregiver to myself, my children, my parents, and my wife.

                Both my wife and I are now in our 80s. In addition to the diagnosed illnesses we’ve had, we also have to deal with the realities of being old. We’ve been married for forty-five years and have six grown children, seventeen grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren.. Brenda Snow’s experience and expertise has helped us navigate our Patient Journey as well as our Caregiver Journey. Yet, we still have more life to live and more lessons to learn.

                If you’d like to know more about Brenda Snow and her work, you may do so here.

                To see the interview and discussion we had together, you may do so here.

                If you would like to read more articles about health and wellbeing, I invite you to subscribe to my free weekly newsletter here.

The post Healing Ourselves, Healing Our World: Brenda Snow Healthcare Maven Extraordinaire appeared first on MenAlive.

                In a world where war seems to be a recurring reality, a new kind of warrior spirit is beginning to emerge. In my book The Warrior’s Journey Home: Healing Men, Healing the Planet, I quoted Chögyam Trungpa a Tibetan Buddhist master and scholar.

                “Warriorship here,” said Trungpa, “does not refer to making war on others. Aggression is the source of our problems, not the solution.” He goes on to say, “Here the word ‘warrior’ is taken from the Tibetan pawo which literally means ‘one who is brave.’ Warriorship in this context is the tradition of human bravery, or the tradition of fearlessness. Warriorship is not being afraid of who you are.”

                I first heard the words “compassionate” and “warrior” combined when I read the book Warrior Compassion: Unleashing the Healing Power of Men by Sean Harvey.

                “When we combine the concepts of warrior and compassion, an energetic shift happens,” says Harvey. He goes on to say, “Compassion is most easily defined as the feeling or emotion when a person is moved by suffering or distress of another, and by the desire to relieve the suffering. Taking a step further, to be compassionate to others, we must begin by learning to become compassionate to ourselves.”

                I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Sean for my podcast. You can see the full interview here.

                “The warrior archetype represents strength, courage, and the relentless pursuit of justice and honor. It embodies discipline, resilience, and unwavering determination to protect and defend what is most valued.”

                In their book, King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine, Jungian analyst Robert Moore and mythologist Douglas Gillette describe both the mature as well as immature aspects of each archetype. Many people today blame Patriarchy, “toxic masculinity,” or sometimes men themselves. But Moore and Gillette have a different understanding.

                “Patriarchy, in our view, is an attack on masculinity in its fullness as well as femininity in its fullness,” say Moore and Gillette. “Those caught up in the structures and dynamics of patriarchy seek to dominate not only women but men as well. Patriarchy is based on fear — the boy’s fear, the immature masculine fear — of women, to be sure, but also fear of men. Boys fear women. They also fear real men. Patriarchy expresses what we call Boy Psychology. It is not an expression of mature masculine potentials in their essence.”

                From our board rooms to our bedrooms and even in the men we see exercising political power in our government, we can recognize the absence of mature masculinity and the presence of Boy Psychology.

The Boy Psychology Archetypes and Mature Masculinity of the Warrior

                For each archetype Moore and Gillette describe two polar opposites. They describe Boy Psychology of the Warrior as The Grandstander Bully and The Coward.

                “The boy (or man) under the power of the Bully intends to impress others. His strategies are designed to proclaim his superiority and his right to dominate those around him. He claims center stage as his birthright. If ever his claims to special status are challenged, watch the ensuing rageful displays!”

                It is not difficult to see examples of this kind of Boy Psychology.

                In describing the archetypal Coward, they say:

                “The boy (or man) possessed by The Coward, shows an extreme reluctance to stand up for himself in physical confrontations. He will usually run away from a fight, excusing himself by claiming that it is more ‘manly’ to walk away. He will easily acquiesce pressure from others and unable to feel heroic he will cave in.”

                Moore and Gillete recognize the destructiveness of Boy Psychology and also the discomfort that many have in embracing the mature warrior archetype.

                “We live in a time when people are generally uncomfortable with the Warrior form of masculine energy — and for some good reasons. Women especially are uncomfortable with it, because they have often been the most direct victims of it in its immature shadow form. Around the planet, warfare is our century has reached such monstrous and pervasive proportions that aggressive energy itself is looked upon with deep suspicion and fear.”

                Yet, we need not fear the energy of the mature warrior. In his book, Warrior Compassion, Sean Harvey says,

                “When we bring the warrior spirit to compassion, it becomes a courageous and loving energy that brings healing to the suffering in the world. I define warrior compassion as:

                “The fierce healing power within that liberates you to courageously walk from a place of deeper consciousness, compassion, and connection in the world while expanding creativity, authenticity, intimacy, and a sense of community in the ways we live and carry out our mission.”

                In describing the work Sean engages with in proving leadership and training he says,

                “We address isolation, dismantle hate, bridge polarization, and humanize hyper-masculine systems, organizations, and communities. We build bridges that transform the world.”

                What makes Sean’s work so powerful and effective is that he works both with individual men and with groups and organizations to create deep systemic change.

                “Hyper-masculine systems often perpetuate cultures of fear, control, and exclusion,” Sean says, “but they can be reimagined as spaces of collaboration, inclusion, and shared humanity. At the Warrior Compassion Institute, we work with organizations in sectors such as military, law enforcement, government, and corporate environments to transform their cultures from the inside out. Our programs emphasize trauma-informed psychological safety, redefined power dynamics, and compassionate leadership to foster systems where everyone can thrive.”

                In a world where many countries are led by authoritarian male leaders and many are influenced by their false promises, we need a new kind of mature masculine strength and power that Sean Harvey is helping to bring about. In her prescient and important book, Strongmen: Mussolini to the Present, historian Ruth Ben-Ghiat says,

                “Ours is an age of authoritarian rulers: self-proclaimed saviors of the nation who evade accountability while robbing their people of truth, treasure, and the protections of democracy. They use masculinity as a symbol of strength and a political weapon. Taking what you want, and getting away with it, becomes proof of male authority. They use propaganda, corruption, and violence to stay in power.”

                Sean Harvey offers a different vision for our future. You can learn more about Sean and his work by visiting his website: https://www.warriorcompassion.com/

                You can watch the interview I did with Sean here.

                If you would like to read other articles about men’s mental, emotional, and relational health, come visit me at https://menalive.com/.

The post The Compassionate Warrior: The Power of Mature Masculine Psychology appeared first on MenAlive.