Mental Health

Editor’s Note: One Small Thing is a new series to help you take a simple step toward a healthy, impactful goal. Try this one thing and you’ll be heading in the right direction.

A move to a new city, remote work from home all day or a big change to social networks — your life experiences sometimes create loneliness that’s hard to shake.

But a little more investment in your community may make a big difference, said Dr. Gail Saltz, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital.

One in 5 adults in the United States reported feeling loneliness “a lot of the day yesterday,” according to Gallup data released Tuesday.

Loneliness in the US is an epidemic, US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy said last year. And research has shown that loneliness and isolation are linked to health concerns such as sleep problems, inflammation, depression, anxiety and a shorter lifespan.

One big problem is that after the start of the Covid-19 pandemic, many people lost opportunities to see friends, family and coworkers in person, said Dan Witters, research director of the Gallup National Health and Well-Being Index.

And although rates of loneliness are not as high now as they were during the height of the pandemic, they did go up this year, according to the Gallup research.

There are two kinds of loneliness, said Dr. Gemma Hughes, associate professor of healthcare management at the University of Leicester School of Business in the United Kingdom. Emotional isolation results from a lack of deep, emotional connection, and social isolation is the lack of social networks and daily interactions, she added. Both are important.

Building back deeper, more intimate connections may feel hard to do quickly to address your loneliness, but turning your attention to invest in your community may be one small thing you can do to help, Saltz said.

Invest in your community

Time spent with your best friend or close family is fantastic for addressing loneliness and isolation, but even a little bit more interaction during the day can help, Saltz said.

“When you run errands, chitchat. At your coffee shop say, ‘Hey, how’s your day going? Or what do you think about this new brew that they’ve got going?’” she said.

With people working and attending school from home, some of Chicago psychologist John Duffy’s patients find that they can go a whole day without interacting with another person, he said.

“Among my primary interventions over the past several years is to talk with people, face-to-face, in any given day,” Duffy said. “I find it’s most important to do so on days when my client is not inclined to engage or leave the house. They never regret those connections and interactions, however brief or inane.”

Having a pet that needs to go outside creates opportunities to exchange pleasantries with someone at the dog park or out on a walk, Saltz added.

Some of these interactions may mean redirecting your attention outward. Try keeping an eye out for opportunities to be kind to people you pass, she added.

“A lot of our separation right now has to do with people making no effort to be kind, not having that on their priority list at all,” Saltz said. “A lot of what’s torturous about social media, or even about in real life, is people being quick to be unkind, quick to be judgmental, quick to be divisive, quick to be like ‘you don’t see it the way I do.’”

And if you want nice interactions coming your way, you should give those to others, she said.

“Kindness tends to beget kindness,” Saltz said.

Engage by volunteering

If you are having trouble getting out for casual interaction, consider signing up for regular volunteering, Saltz said.

“Helping other people definitely makes you feel good,” she said. “Whether you’re lonely or not, it’s a mood booster, and it definitely is connecting with other people in addition.”

Liking what you do every day can address feelings of loneliness, so volunteering for an organization that you care about can make a big difference, according to the Gallup data.

“The evolutionary theory of loneliness suggests the loneliness acts as kind of a warning system, promoting us to go and find company, because being alone is not good for us; we are social creatures who need the company of others,” Hughes said in an email.

“Responding to that signal by engaging in volunteering or other community activities can be a way towards establishing meaningful connections.”

Combat social anxiety

For some people, bumping into strangers and exchanging a few nice words may be easy, but for others doing so can be scary. And their social anxiety may have grown worse since years of avoiding contact have left them out of practice, Duffy said.

The root of such social anxiety is self-judgment, Saltz said.

You might be afraid that you will say something stupid, embarrass yourself or get rejected, but “thoughts are just thoughts. They are not predictors of the future,” she said. “They are not statements of fact. They are not an accurate reading of the mind of the other person.”

Let those thoughts happen and then pass, said Saltz, who also recommends rehearsing a couple of lines to strike up future conversations.

“Go out feeling a little prepared,” she said. “If thoughts come up after that, remind yourself they’re just anxious thoughts.”

Even with preparation, it may be helpful to drop the expectation that interacting with people must always go perfectly, Duffy added.

“In all likelihood, they may stumble. They may say something they regret,” he said. “But the effect of these connections in aggregate makes a huge difference, and over time, helps to manage that social anxiety.”

Keep up your good habits

As you push yourself to engage more in public and work to make long-lasting friendships, it is important to ensure you are practicing good habits, Saltz said.

When you are feeling lonely, it can be harder to reach out to the relationships you already have to set up time together or talk on the phone, so make sure you do so, she added.

And social media may seem like a quick fix, but it often leaves people feeling more isolated, so try to cut down on the amount of time you spend online, Saltz said.

Your relationship with yourself also continues to be important, even when you are lonely, she said.

“When someone is struggling with loneliness, other kinds of self-care often are helpful,” she said. “Being out in nature, even by yourself, is known to boost mood, for example. Being involved in a hobby, even if it doesn’t include other people but something that engages you, is helpful for you.”

And don’t forget to get good aerobic exercise to manage stress, anxiety and depression, Saltz said.

But if your feelings of loneliness are making you sad and empty much of the day, or if they’re affecting your ability to sleep, eat and do anything fun, then Saltz recommends that you talk with a mental health professional.

Editor’s note: If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, help is available. Dial or text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org for free and confidential support.

                Many people all over the country have been involved with the “No Kings” movement and rallies. We had more than 1,000 participate in our small town of Willits, California. I have been a rebel with a cause my whole life. My parents were active in the human rights and labor movements in the 1950s and my father was one of the black-listed writers in Hollywood who stood up against McCarthism. My causes have involved love, compassion, and dignity for all people and true partnership with the communities of life on planet Earth.

                Timothy Snyder is a widely respected professor and author of numerous books including On Freedom and On Tyranny. He says,

                “The Founding Fathers tried to protect us from the threat they knew, the tyranny that overcame ancient democracy. Today, our political order faces new threats, not unlike the totalitarianism of the twentieth century. We are no wiser than the Europeans who saw democracy yield to fascism, Nazism, or communism. Our one advantage is that we might learn from their experience.”

                Snyder goes on to ask,

                “What does it mean to be commemorating 250 years of the American republic? To an uncanny degree, what the Trump people in this 250th year are doing is repeating the abuses that the American founders complained about: arbitrary taxation; taxation without representation; imperial attitudes; wars without consent.”

                He calls us to fight for democracy in the same way our founding fathers did.

                “To honor the origins of our republic, says Snyder, “doesn’t mean going back to the eighteenth century. It means being rebels in our own time. It means demanding freedom, aiming for something radically better in the future.”

                Certainly men are not the only ones who can fall under the spell of fascism, but there is a reason historian Ruth Ben-Ghiat said in her prescient book Strongmen: Mussolini to the Present published in 2020,

                “Ours is the age of authoritarian rulers: self-proclaimed saviors of the nation who evade accountability while robbing their people of truth, treasure, and the protections of democracy. They use masculinity as a symbol of strength and a political weapon. Taking what you want, and getting away with it, becomes proof of male authority. They use propaganda, corruption, and violence to stay in power.”

                 In her book she described seventeen examples of authoritarian leaders, all of them men including:

• Benito Mussolini, Prime minister of Italy
• Adolph Hitler, Chancellor of Germany
• Saddam Hussein, Prime minister of Iraq
• Victor Orban, Hungarian prime minister
•  Vladimir Putin, President of Russia
• Donald J. Trump, President of the United States of America

                Ben-Ghiat concludes saying,

                “They promise law and order then legitimize law-breaking by financial, sexual, and other predators.”

MenAlive: A Community of Rebels For Men and Their Families

                Another step in my own “rebellion” occurred during the birth of our first child on November 21, 1969. After coaching my wife through the pre-birth Lamaze breathing methods we had learned, I was told she was ready to move into the delivery room.

                “Your job is done, now Mr. Diamond,” the nurse told me. “You can go out to the waiting room, and we’ll let you know when you can see your wife and child.”

                The hospital rules had been explained to us both: Fathers were not allowed in the delivery room. That was OK with me. Although I felt I was able to coach my wife during the first stages of birth, I was afraid I might pass out or otherwise be more of a hindrance than a help during the actual delivery.

                I hugged my wife and wished her luck as she was wheeled one way toward the delivery room and I went the other direction toward the waiting room. But I never made it through the waiting room doors. I felt a calling from my unborn child: I don’t want a waiting-room father. Your place is here with us.

                I turned around and walked back the way I had come and found the delivery room. I walked through the doors and took my place at the head of the table. There was no question of leaving, if asked. My child needed me and my response was more important than following the rules. Amid tears of relief and joy our son, Jemal, came into the world and he was handed to me.

                Holding him for the first time I made a vow that I would be a different kind of father than my father was able to be for me and to do everything I could to create a world where fathers were fully healed and involved with their families throughout their lives.

                When we met and fell in love in college, my future wife and I talked about our desire for children. We decided we would have one child then adopt a child. Even in 1964 we felt the world was becoming overcrowded. Three years after Jemal was born, we adopted a 2 ½ month old African American little girl we named Angela.

                My website MenAlive was launched in 1972 as my window to the world. The purpose of MenAlive is to share ways we can come together to create a world of true partnership. I want everyone to live fully authentic lives, to love deeply and well, and to make a positive difference in the world.

                My first book, Inside Out: Becoming My Own Man, was published in 1983. I have now written 17 books including international best-sellers, Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places, Surviving Male Menopause, and The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Depression and Aggression.

                I write articles and interview experts on various aspects of men’s mental, emotional, and relational health. One of my recent articles, “Father Time: How Dad’s Are Being Called to Change the World for Good,” featured one of my colleagues, Dr. Sarah Hrdy. Dr. Hrdy is an anthropologist and primatologist and one of the world’s leading experts on the evolutionary basis of female behavior in both nonhuman and human primates. She has recently turned her attention to men.

                After seeing how her own sons were connected to children in ways she had previously assumed was what came naturally only to women, she researched and eventually wrote a book called Father Time: A Natural History of Men and Babies. She found that fathers are as biologically capable of nurturing small children as mothers are.

                She said, “My unexpected finding is that inside every man there lurk ancient caretaking tendencies that render a man every bit as protective and nurturing as the most committed mother. It is a journey that has forced me to rethink long held assumptions about man’s innately selfish, competitive, and violent nature, what Darwin described as his ‘natural and unfortunate birthright.” 

                At MenAlive we have always known that men and women may be different in many ways, but when it comes to loving and nurturing children, we are as biologically programmed and capable of developing the same skills that mothers learn to develop. I will soon be introducing our MenAlive community to other expert colleagues. I describe what is coming in my recent article: “The Future of MenAlive: From Men’s Health to Relational Healing and Transformation.”

                Come join us. You can read my latest blog posts here. If you feel called to change the world for good, I invite you to join us.

The post Becoming Rebels in Our Own Time: Calling on Men To Change the World for Good appeared first on MenAlive.

                I have been helping men and women improve their love lives for more than fifty years. There are two reasons this work has become my life’s mission. The first is that I know the pain and suffering that results when a relationship we thought was going to bring us love everlasting crashes and burns. In my welcome video, “Confessions of a Twice-Divorced Marriage Counselor,” I share my own experiences.  The second reason is that I also know the joy of having a marriage that has lasted for forty-six wonderful years. I share what Carlin and I have learned in my book, The Enlightened Marriage: The 5 Transformative Stages of Relationships and Why the Best is Still to Come.

                I believe we all want to find the love of our lives and learn how to build a relationship where real lasting love is a reality. I’ve learned a lot over the years, but there is always more to discover. I recently learned about a new book, Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection by Paul Eastwick. The book has expanded my understanding of what goes wrong in our search for love and how the new science of relational evolutionary psychology can help us all find the love of our lives and build the relationship of our dreams. You can watch my interview with Dr. Eastwick here.

                Paul Eastwick is professor of psychology at UC Davis, where he serves as the head of the Social Personality Psychology program and the director of the Attraction and Relationships Research Laboratory. He says,

                “Modern media and culture have taught us a vast array of inaccurate ideas about dating and relationships. One idea is that romantic relationships are a negotiation between two parties offering value, extracting benefits, and attempting to maintain a competitive edge. Sitting at the center of it all is a person’s personal ‘mate value’ — their true, core desirability — to be leveraged on the mating market to get what they want and deserve. She’s hot, he’s rich, let’s make a deal.”

                In our modern world where everything has a price and we are driven to compete to get what we need, it isn’t surprising that dating and mating has become complicated and confusing for most people. Many men and women have come to believe they can never win. Fortunately, there is a better way to live and to love.

The Science of Close Relationships

                Based on Dr. Eastwick’s extensive research and study, he helped me understand what makes a bond strong and what bonds do to help us survive and thrive. Support comes in two forms. In one form, two people help each other recover from adversity. He describes this form as “safe haven” support. In the other form, two people help each other rise to meet new challenges. He calls this providing a “secure base.”

                I really resonated with these ideas. One of my most popular articles, read by more than 4,000,000 people, is called “The One Thing That Men Want More Than Sex.” In the article I say,

                “We’ve all heard that women need to feel loved to have sex, but men need to have sex to feel loved. Let’s look more deeply at what it is exactly that men are getting when they get sex. Sure, there is the physical pleasure, but there is a deeper need that is being satisfied. I call it the need for a safe harbor.”

                To appreciate the importance of safety and security in our intimate relationships, we need to recognize the importance of attachment bonds in humans. Dr. Eastwick described the work of Dr. John Bowlby and his colleague Dr. Mary Ainsworth. In the mid-twentieth century, Drs. Bowlby and Ainsworth studied what happens to infants and young children when they are separated from their caregivers. 

                In those days, popular parenting advice in the West cautioned against overindulging children’s emotional needs. Many believed that too much affection was tantamount to spoiling. To Bowlby and Ainsworth — and others including Dr. Harry Harlow, famous for his studies on maternal separation and social isolation in rhesus monkeys — this advice was deeply misguided.

                Dr. Eastwick noted that natural selection installed a mechanism to mitigate the danger that was present for all babies as they begin to explore their world. The young ones would seek out specific well-known others, such as fathers, mothers, and other caregivers, who are responsive and engage them in play, and comfort them when they are distressed.

                With his understanding of relational evolutionary psychology Dr. Eastwick notes that sometime during the last few million years, natural selection repurposed the attachment system to apply beyond our early childhood relationships. Specifically, evolution applied the attachment system to adult mating relationships, too.

                Understanding that adults have a similar need for safety and support as children, is critically important in understanding how to have successful adult relationships.

                “Of course, sexuality and sexual desire remained central to mating relationships,” says Paul Eastwick in his book Bonded by Evolution. “Those elements didn’t go anywhere, and they commonly kickstart the whole process. But mating wasn’t just about sex anymore. It was also about an emotional bond, or ‘pair-bond.’”

Evolutionary Based Relational Solutions for Dating and Mating in the Real World Today

                Dr. Eastwick says, “We are creatures who evolved to form sexual relationships and romantic attachments within small networks. Mate value and competitive markets have limited influence on how these bonds form and take shape, and they likely had even less influence in the environments in which humans evolved.”

                Here are a few real relationship solutions that can help you find the love of your life and develop an intimate relationship that lasts forever:

• Join a men’s group where you can share your truth and learn from others.

                My wife, Carlin, tells friends that the main reason she and I have had a wonderful 46-year marriage is because I have been in a men’s group for 47 years. The group came into being in 1979 following a gathering with the psychologist Herb Goldberg who wrote the book The Hazards of Being Male. In the book he says,

                “The male has paid a heavy price for his masculine ‘privilege’ and power. He is out of touch with his emotions and his body. He is playing by the rules of the male game plan and with lemming-like purpose he is destroying himself — emotionally, psychologically, and physically.”

                Over the years we’ve gotten to know each other deeply and supported each other as we learned to open-up and share our deepest feelings. The group always supports our maleness but is also respectful and caring towards women. In recent years, some males have gravitated to groups in the “manosphere” that see women as the enemy. The opposite has always been true in our men’s group. I’ve written about our experiences in my book, 12 Rules for Good Men.

• Build mixed-gender networks.

                A lot has been written about the increase in loneliness, particularly among boys and men. There are many reasons for this, but the bottom line is that we need to connect with people where we can enjoy each other’s company and get to know each other doing things we enjoy together. My wife, Carlin, and I met in a Aikido dojo where men and women learned this peaceful martial art.

                In recent years more and more people, young and old, spend time connecting with each other on their cell phones. Nothing wrong with that, but humans are meant to interact with each other face-to-face, in small groups. Finding places where you connect with others not only helps reverse the loneliness epidemic, but is the kind of natural way to meet that special someone we all want and need.

• Understand the pros and cons of online dating.

                Dr. Eastwick points out that going online certainly gives us more people to choose from, but there is a downside. The first problem with online dating is choice overload.

                “Having too many options,” says Dr. Eastwick, “tends to make people more dissatisfied with their eventual selection.”  

                Many come to believe that there is always someone better with the next swipe.

                The second problem is that online dating is often demeaning as people feel they are being judged and often selected against. It’s easy to feel there is something wrong with us, that we are inherently undesirable when we are not chosen. Dr. Eastwick also points out that when we do attract attention it many not be the kind of attention we want, especially if you’re a woman.

                When we meet people in real-life social situations, our network of friends probably contains a number of people who are looking out for your best interests. They support us in moving towards people they know are safe and caring and steer us away from those who may be hurtful.

                Dr. Eastwick offers good advice for finding a partner that we’re compatible with if we choose to connect in the on-line dating world: Limit the pool and stay for the third impression.

                He says that people tend to go out with too many people from a pool that they have filtered too heavily. He reminds us that real compatibility can not be predicted by superficial traits. We have to get to know each other and see how we feel being together. He suggests a three-date approach, and research shows that first impressions are usually unreliable, but three impressions give us the best chance of success.

                “By impression, I mean your physical attraction,” says Dr. Eastwick, “but also how they make you feel, and how much you enjoy being around them. It includes how you feel about yourself when you’re together.”

                There is a lot we can learn about love and life and finding the right relationship that will last through time. To learn more about Paul Eastwick, his book, and his work, you can visit him here: https://pauleastwick.com/pauleastwick.

                You can learn more about me and my work by visiting me at www.MenAlive.com. I invite you to subscribe to my free weekly newsletter where I share tips and guidance for living fully, loving deeply, and making a positive difference in the world.

The post How to Find the Love of Your Life and Build the Relationship of Your Dreams appeared first on MenAlive.

                Dr. Eric Maisel is a long-time colleague and friend. He is the author of more than fifty books including Brave New Mind: The Art of Serene Readiness, which I found to be an extremely relevant and important resource for everyone living in today’s challenging world. I recently had the good fortune to interview Eric for my podcast series.

                In Brave New Mind, he captures what millions of men and women are experiencing today.

                “We’ve all been rushing about with no chance of catching up,” he says. “We desperately need a brave new mind that can take into account our brave new world at once strange and inhuman, awash with material goods and loneliness, orchestrated by feckless billionaires more powerful than governments.”

                I first became acquainted with Eric’s work in 2007 when I read his book, The Van Gogh Blues: The Creative Person’s Path Through Depression. It spoke deeply to the challenges I had faced in my life dealing with my own depression as well as what my father experienced. I wrote about our own healing journey in my book, My Distant Dad: Healing the Family Father Wound and developed an on-line course, “Healing the Family Father Wound” for everyone who has grown up with a father who was distant, absent, or dysfunctional.

                “Creative people will experience depression that’s a given,” he says in The Van Gogh Blues. “It’s a given because they are regularly confronted by doubts about the meaningfulness of their efforts. Theirs is a kind of depression that does not respond to pharmaceutical treatment. What’s required is healing in the realm of meaning.”

                As a psychotherapist who specializes in Gender-Specific Medicine and Men’s Mental, Emotional, and Relational Health, I share Dr. Maisel’s perspective on mental illness and mental health. I agree, too, that things have gotten significantly worse since 2007 when The Van Gogh Blues was first published. In reflecting on today’s world, Eric shares what he is seeing now.

                “Many minds will simply crash. Millions upon millions of minds will not be able to sustain coherence, motivation, hope, or anything. They will descend into pits with names like depression, anxiety, addiction, suicide. We see this happening everywhere and every day.”

Developing the Art of Serene Readiness

                We don’t have to accept the bleak future of mental exhaustion and breakdown. In Brave New Mind, Dr. Maisel offers real solutions including:

• A way to handle our increasingly stressful times in all areas of our lives.
• Joining the powers of serenity and alertness of oneself.
• Creating new ways of coping with depression, anxiety, addiction, and other mental illnesses.
• Finding renewed strength and motivation that you may have lost.
• Making new meaning and finding your life purpose.
• Developing a brave new mind equal to this moment in time.

                In a recent article “The Pathway of Personal Code,” Dr. Maisel says,

                “To maintain a personal code is to orient one’s life around principles rather than impulses. It is to live deliberately in a world that often rewards expediency. The act of holding to a code, especially when it costs something, restores depth to one’s experience and coherence to one’s identity. It turns mere existence into moral authorship.”

                In our interview, he talked about the need to become “rebel warriors,” to stand up for what is right and challenge the forces that dehumanize people. In my book, The Warrior’s Journey Home, Healing Men, Healing the Planet, I quoted meditation master Chögyam Trungpa who described warriorship this way:

                “Warriorship here does not refer to making war on others. Aggression is the source of our problems, not the solution. Here the word ‘warrior’ is taken from the Tibetan pawo which literally means ‘one who is brave.’ Warriorship in this context is the tradition of human bravery, or the tradition of fearlessness.” Trungpa concludes saying, “Warriorship is not being afraid of who you are.”

                One of the specific practices I found most helpful in Brave New Mind was the use of what Eric Maisel called “Prime Directives.” In addressing the challenges of life and maintaining serene readiness to act when we are called upon to act, Maisel says,

                “Imagine offering a simple instruction to your mind and inviting it to use that instruction all the time.”

                He calls these instructions prime directives. One that I particularly appreciate and use regularly is this: Do the next right thing.

                It reminds me to slow down and before I react emotionally and jump into an action, I ask myself, what is the next right thing to do? Eric says,

                “This suggestive, impressionistic phrase would stand for all of the following: that you want to be ethical, productive, proactive, and that what comes next is a choice that you get to make.”

                Particularly when I’m under stress and prone to react in ways that are not helpful, pausing a moment, taking a deep breath and repeating in my mind to do the next right thing helps me stay present, relaxed, and alert, and to engage actions that serve me, my values, and what is needed in the world.

                If you’d like to learn more about Dr. Eric Maisel and his work, you can visit him at Ericmaisel.com. 

                If you would like to watch my engaging interview with Eric, you may do so here.

                You can also subscribe to my free weekly newsletter and learn more about my own work in the world.

The post Brave New Mind: Developing the Art of Serene Readiness in a World Out of Balance appeared first on MenAlive.

                I’ve been a men’s health advocate all my life. I also advocate for the health of women and children. Scientific studies over the years, and my own personal and professional experience, tell me that men are not doing well and their lack of wellbeing impacts the lives of their families, friends, and communities.

                According to the CDCs National Center for Health Statistics,

                “Men in the United States face many of the same health problems men in other developed countries face to a greater or lesser extent. In 2022, the life expectancy for men in the United States was 74.8 years, over five years less than that of women. The leading causes of death for men in 2022 were heart disease, cancer, and unintentional injuries, with heart disease and cancer accounting for a combined 41 percent of all male deaths that year, and almost nine percent of deaths resulting from unintentional injuries.”

                All indicators point to the fact that things have gotten worse since the last studies were published. The CDC goes on to note that,

                “In addition to physical disease, mental health issues are common among men in the United States, with suicide ranking the eighth leading cause of death. Furthermore, men are often more likely than women to participate in behaviors that put their health at risk.”  

                I recently had the opportunity to interview Jason Snibbe, MD. Dr. Snibbe is one of the most globally recognized and trusted orthopedic surgeons. He is the go-to doctor for athletes, celebrities, and anyone who refuses to be sidelined by pain and inactivity. His patients include members of the Los Angeles Clippers and thousands of others who trust their care to Dr. Snibbe. He also acts as the orthopedic consultant for the Los Angeles Lakers, Los Angeles Sparks, and Los Angeles Angels. Dr. Snibbe is transforming how we experience recovery, blending world-class surgical precision with a deeply holistic and human approach to care. 

                When I interviewed Dr. Snibbe, I learned that he has performed over 8,000 surgeries and has been lauded as the surgeon with the lowest complication rate at Cedar-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles where his practice is located. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that although he is obviously a gifted surgeon, he is a firm believer that surgery should be the last resort.

                “In fact,” he told me, “most of the people who come to me for help don’t require surgery. Whether they who are suffering from problems such as arthritis, torn meniscus, ACL injury, rotator cuff injury, or joint pain; we try and find ways to help them without surgery.”

                During our interview he described numerous “biological treatments” such as platelet-rich plasma and bone marrow concentrate injections.

                That was music to my ears. After graduating from college at U.C. Santa Barbara, I was accepted at U.C. San Francisco school of medicine. From the time I was five years old I had a desire to go into the healing professions, and I felt drawn to medical practice.

                However, I found that medicine was too limited for me and I later transferred to U.C. Berkeley’s School of Social Welfare where I graduated with a master’s degree. Later I returned to school and earned a PhD in international health, specializing in men’s mental, emotional, and relational health and wellbeing.

                In connecting with Dr. Snibbe, I felt I had found a kindred spirit. He is also an expert in sports medicine, which is also a great interest of mine. I have been active in sports my whole life playing baseball, football, and basketball. My wife, Carlin, has also been active in sports. We met at the Aikido dojo in Mill Valley. She was on vacation from her home in Oregon where she had been practicing Aikido for many years.

                Carlin and I have been married for 46 years and have six grown children and seventeen grandchildren. Two of our grandsons fulfilled their dream of being in the National Football league and played for numerous football teams during their long career, including their first team where they were drafted out of college, New England Patriots. I shared some of their experiences with Dr. Snibbe.

                Dr. Snibbe completed his residency at the University of Rochester in New York and went on to complete a Sports Medicine fellowship at the world-renowned Kerlan-Jobe Orthopedic Clinic in Los Angeles. I still consider myself an athlete, though at 82 years of age, I’m definitely an aging athlete.  I was very interested in receiving any help and support  Dr. Snibbe could offer.

                I do a half-hour warm-up every day that includes fifty pushups. My main exercise is walking. I do an hour walk each morning which includes walking hills to keep my lungs strong. Keeping my feet in good shape is a must for my health and well-being. I told Dr. Snibbe about my foot pain and the recommendations of my podiatrist to wear an orthotic which helped a lot. Dr. Snibbe also shared some additional recommendations about ways to treat problems that didn’t require surgery and how to engage in activities than were both joyful and healthful.  

                My podiatrist recommended I wear “good shoes,” but was vague about how I could determine what was good and where to get shoes that allowed me to stay active throughout my life. I asked Dr. Snibbe about shoes and I was excited to hear that not only did Dr. Snibbe have specific recommendations about which shoes to wear, but he told me about a company he was involved with for people who work on their feet. It’s called Snibbs and it has an interesting “origin story.”

                In 2015, Chef Daniel Shemtob noticed a significant problem in his field of work. His shoes kept falling apart and he would be in pain after being on his feet for long periods of time. In search of a robust new work shoe replacement, he soon noticed that many of the work shoes were either functional but ugly, or vise versa. Fed up after destroying pair after pair of shoes in the kitchen, Chef Daniel felt that there had to be a better footwear solution for the workplace. Soon after realizing that there wasn’t, he knew that something had to be created to fill that void.

                Determined to fix the problem at its source, he teamed up with orthopedic surgeon Dr. Jason Snibbe and restaurateur Haik Zadoyan. Together they combined medical know-how, hospitality grit, and relentless testing to build a shoe that grips when it’s wet, supports through double shifts, and lasts.

                “Snibbs exists for the people who keep the world running,” says Dr. Snibbe.

                Dr. Snibbe says. “I don’t just fix joints — I restore confidence, mobility, and quality of life.” This is the kind of doctor we all need. He is definitely the kind of doctor who does it the right way!

                When I launched MenAlive in 1972, I wanted to share the things I had been learning about how men and their families could live long and well. Since then, MenAlive has become my window to the world where I have articles, book, and online courses to help men and their families.  I have written 17 books in various aspects of men’s health, including international bestsellers, Male Menopause and Surviving Male Menopause that have now been translated into 17 foreign languages.

                In addition to my work counseling individuals, couples, and families, I train other practitioners in the health field. I also interview experts in the field like Dr. Snibbe and share their expertise in articles that I publish at MenAlive and are available for free to my newsletter subscribers.  

                If you would like to learn more about Dr. Jason Snibbe and his work, you can visit him at https://www.drjasonsnibbe.com/.

                If you would like to watch the in-depth interview I did with Dr. Snibbe, you can watch it here.

                You can learn more about Snibbs, the shoe company that Dr. Snibbe is connected with here: https://snibbs.co/

The post Dr. Jason Snibbe: Men’s Health From a Doctor Who Does It the Right Way appeared first on MenAlive.

                MenAlive began in 1969 when I held Jemal, my newborn son, in my arms and made a vow that I would be a different kind of father than my father was able to be for me and to do everything I could to create a world where men were fully healed and involved with their families and communities throughout their lives. In 1972 I launched MenAlive as my window to the world to share what I was learning about love, life, survival, and transformation.

                In June, 2026, I will be offering exciting new and expanded services at MenAlive. I’m looking for men and women who recognize the world is changing and who want to receive the best guidance and support available to help them to live fully, love deeply, and make a positive difference in the world. If this sounds like you, read on.

                When our daughter, Angela, was born in 1972, it became clear that boys and men’s health and girls and women’s health were forever intertwined and we could not improve one without improving the other. My wife Carlin and I now have six grown children, seventeen grandchildren, and six great grandchildren. We are committed to helping to transform our lives for the good of all and for future generations.  

                I’m sure I don’t have to convince you that humans are living in ways that are out of balance with the laws of nature. We recognize this imbalance as our climate crisis, endless conflicts, and loss of ecological diversity. As “geologian” and historian Thomas Berry warned,

                “We never knew enough. Nor were we sufficiently intimate with all our cousins in the great family of the earth. Nor could we listen to the various creatures of the earth, each telling its own story. The time has now come, however, when we will listen or we will die.”

                Many people have given up on humanity and imagine that the world would be better off without us. Others hope that Artificial Intelligence (AI) will save us. I was given a different vision during a sweat lodge ceremony at a Men’s Leadership Conference in Indianapolis, Indiana in 1993.

                The vision allowed me to see the sinking ship of civilization and the emergence of lifeboats to a new way of living.  According to Václav Havel, Czech statesman, author, playwright, and dissident,

                “Today, many things indicate that we are going through a transitional period when it seems that something is on the way out and something else is painfully being born. It is as if something were crumbling, decaying, and exhausting itself, while something else, still indistinct, were arising from the rubble.”

                I have written about the vision and what I’ve been learning in numerous articles over the last 33 years. In my most recent article describing the vision, “How You Can Survive and Thrive as the Ship of Civilization Sinks,” I offered numerous insights I have gained. Here are a few:

                1. “Civilization” is a misnomer. Its proper name is the “Dominator Model.”

                I quoted my colleague Riane Eisler who wrote in her book, The Chalice & The Blade,

                “Underlying the great surface diversity of human culture are two basic models of society. The first I call the dominator model, what is popularly termed either patriarchy or matriarchy — the ranking of one half of humanity over the other. The second, in which social relations are primarily based on the principle of linking may best be described as the partnership model.”

                2. There is a better world beyond civilization.

                Daniel Quinn was the author of numerous books, including Ishmael and Beyond Civilization: Humanity’s Next Great Adventure.

                “If we go on as we are,” says Quinn, we’re not going to be around much longer. You don’t have to ‘go somewhere’ to get beyond civilization, you have to make your living a different way.”

                I’ve learned there is a different way we can live. Let’s build it together.

                3. We need to find our tribe outside the confines of civilization.

                Tribalism has taken on a pejorative meaning, but tribal life is what makes is human.

                “The tribal life and no other is the gift of natural selection to humanity,” says Daniel Quinn. “It is to humanity what pack life is to wolves, pod life is to whales, and hive life is to bees.”

                In their book, Nurturing Our Humanity: How Domination and Partnership Shape Our Brains, Lives, and Future, Riane Eisler and Douglas P. Fry say that for millions of years we lived as hunger-gatherers and they were “the original partnership societies.” They go on to say,

                “For more than 99 percent of our approximately two million year history our hunter-gatherer ancestors lived with the following values: (1) Overall egalitarianism; (2) Equality, respect, and partnership between women and men; (3) Nonacceptance of violence, war, abuse, cruelty, and exploitation; and (4) Ethics that support human caring, prosocial cooperation, and flourishing.”

Come Join Our MenAlive Tribe

                Beginning, June 21, 2026, I will start a new chapter in my professional life. Up until now I have served my community in the following ways through: (1) Individual and couple counseling, (2) Articles and books, (3) Online courses. I have been getting more requests to start an on-line community where people could receive more focused guidance and support to better navigate these challenging times.

                The core of what I have been offering, and what I feel is critically important at this time in human history, is focused on relational health and well-being.

                On Father’s Day, June 21, 2026, I will launch a new MenAlive tribal community that builds on my fifty-plus years of work at MenAlive and offers additional services, guidance, and support. Those who join will opportunity for more direct interaction with me where you can “ask me anything” and receive honest feedback. In addition to my own expertise, I will be introducing you to my colleagues who are also experts in the field and have great deal of wisdom to share.

                Here are a few of my colleagues you will meet:

Darlene R. Walley, PhD

                Dr. Darlene R. Walley is currently the chief executive officer of NEXT Life Sciences, which focuses on reproductive healthcare. Walley has over 30 years of life science business experience, having served as an executive at Procter & Gamble, Gillette/Oral-B laboratories, and Arm & Hammer.

                Dr. Walley holds 12 patents, largely dealing with consumer health products, and has over 13 publications. Walley received a bachelor’s degree in chemistry from Case Western Reserve University and a PhD in organic chemistry from the University of Cincinnati.

                Dr. Walley will spearhead Plan A and bring it to market and in addition, oversee the R&D efforts in other male birth control options NEXT Life Sciences is developing. You can read my article and interview with Dr. Walley here.

 Joe Conrad

                Joe Conrad is a creative entrepreneur and a digital health pioneer who believes in the power of innovation, creativity and technology to solve any problem. In 1990 he founded Cactus, a purpose-driven branding and creative agency with the mission of growing brands that help people thrive.

                He is also the founder and CEO at Grit Digital Health –– a team of specialists in behavioral health, wellness, technology and marketing committed to transcending barriers like stigma and access to help people get the support they need, when and how they need it. Joe and his team are the creators of Man Therapy, an innovative and award-winning campaign that uses humor to engage working-age men in an immersive, entertaining, digital experience where therapy actually happens. Joe is the author of the forthcoming book, Man Therapy: Therapy the Way a Man Does It. You can watch my recent interview with Joe Conrad here.

Caitlin V. Neal

                Caitlin is a thought leader in modern masculinity and male sexuality. Also known simply as Caitlin V., she emphasizes the need to reshape how society views men’s roles and the dynamics between men and women in today’s world. Caitlin’s work is dedicated to empowering men by teaching them the essential skills to succeed in modern relationships and life, helping them embrace authenticity, confidence, and intentionality. Through her transformative approach, men foster deeper connections and redefine masculinity on their own terms.

                Caitlin V’s journey began with a passion for understanding human sexuality and its profound impact on our lives. Over two decades she has cultivated a deep understanding of the intricate nuances of intimacy, pleasure, and connection. She has more than 850,000 social media subscribers, 140 million video views, and 15,000 students. You can see my interview and article with Caitlin here.

                If you would like more information about the future of MenAlive and our new and expanded community, drop me a note to Jed@MenAlive.com and put “MenAlive Tribe” in the subject line. These are challenging times with wonderful opportunities for those who want to come together in support of that my colleague Charles Eisenstein calls “the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible.”

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